Love in 1865

Chapter Twenty-Three

It was four days later that Izaak went back to work, and to my knowledge, Munkres had yet to find a witness. Nonetheless, that wouldn't stop me from going to visit the mother who raised me. I woke up right before Izaak left and dressed in the peachy pink dress Mother made me years ago. Leokadia had been so kind as to give us the clothes she made for Natalina, so I clad her in a baby blue lace dress with a matching bonnet. Without a doubt, I began to tie the straps of the 'saddle diaper' as Izaak did, and secured Natty in the pouch. To be sure I was prepared, I filled my usual book bag with bottles and extra little things I would need for the baby, then got on one of the horses to ride.

No sooner had I set the horse up in the barn than I saw her graying hair and wild eyes at the doorway. "My sweet girl- we need to talk dear." I kissed each of her cheeks and she welcomed me to her home like an old friend rather than her child. The halls of my childhood home brought a sense of nostalgia which abruptly interrupted my thoughts. The parlor walls still wore that awful yellow paint Father adored so much and the candles my sister and I made with Granna, Father's mom, still seemed to glow just as if they were fresh from the batch. Nothing seemed to have changed aside from those who lived here; it still felt like home. "I just want you to know, your father never told me about Amaimai. He was lying when he said he found you, and it was almost like he never tried to hide that he was lying. When David came to my door to inform me that they found your birth mother dead, I was in disbelief- I never thought that she would be here and you had found her. I even forgot that they were accusing you. Apparently they looked through your things at Cassian's house and found some letter Phil wrote. Does this change anything between us lamb? Am I still 'mom' to you?" Ignoring that she mentioned the trial and the events around it, I felt for her, and I couldn't help but caress Natalina's darling head. "Mom, my actual mom is right here, sitting across from me! Amaimai was a wonderful woman during the time I got to spend with her, but when I came home and I was taken to jail for her death, I was beyond bewildered and confused. I didn't just lose my mom, I lost the respect of the town, my close friend, and the ability to forgive myself. Even if I hadn't lost any of it, I still love you. My father did some terrible things to you and Amaimai- things I would never and Izaak would never put Natalina through."

The kettle screeched from the kitchen stove, and Mother prepared tea. She still had the same china that her mother gave when Mother married my father. "How is being a new mom? Assuming from what was said at court, you're a good one." I took Natty out of the pouch and unstrapped the leather so that she could experience her new surroundings. She hardly cared about anything aside from the flickering candlelight- though we had plenty of that at home. "Its.....something else. When I wanted adventure I thought I would be riding against the night sky on an open field and far away from the confinements of human- English and American- nature. I imagined going far west and burning with desire and sweat from the teasing face of the morning sun. But when I had my moment of curious questions, my journey began when I opened that basket. Mother, I was so scared. I still had only just began to cope with Father's lies and I found a baby!" " Then why keep her and call her your own? No one would blame you if you left her as a bastard child in an orphanage." "Izaak wanted to keep her at least until she was healthy- which is very much agreeable. Now, she is staying in our disjointed but functional family because her love is one in the same as the one I have for you. It never crossed my mind that I was adopted because you loved me all the same. Izaak didn't have to keep her either. We were just two people thinking we were in love until we rescued her together; I doubt we would be here without her teaching us the love we didn't know ourselves." From the corners of my eyes I could see her rolling her own my way. Mother used to do that often when I was dramatic, and I couldn't help the laughter that came from fond memory. "You had best get married to that man if you want to be right with God, honey. What you do isn't my business so long as you promise me that."

It wasn't later that I returned home and left Natalina to nap on the blanket on the floor. I was sewing patches and nearly done when Izaak arrived. While he had been gone he went to the store and brought bundles of goods. He set them on the table before taking off his coats to hang by the door. "At the shop, Dave informed me that the judge is throwing away the case because the doctor declared that she died two days prior to our arrival. You are clean, Rachela!" He began to approach me when he took notice of the baby and grinned. She was quietly lying on her back chewing on her toes to pass the time. Completely forgetting what he was after, Izaak payed attention to her fully. Watching them together I knew my mom was right about him. Just not as how she put it. He is the one I need. Not for Natalina, but for his ability to find the good in everything; the way he cares about everyone; his love for me; my love for him. I put my sewing away and he was swift to follow with a welcoming hug. "Did you hear the news?" I faced him and nodded. "I don't about the news. I don't have anything to worry about because I love you. Izaak, every moment with you and Natty is extraordinary and exciting. Please, tell me this is forever? That every morning I open my eyes you are there? Tell me that each time you hold that we remember just how in love we are? I can't imagine life without you, Izaak." "Of course, heart. That's all I ask of you- forever.  I would like to continue this conversation, but if I don't get the animals fed in the barn now it will take me longer." Softly his face pressed against mine and denying me of breath. Too quickly though did he leave for the barn. I guess will be satisfied with his answer and go make dinner.