Love in 1865

Chapter Nineteen

The next morning, Izaak and I left with the baby before his family woke to explore something called a beach. I wasn't quite sure as to what it was, but I wore my green dress suit in case there was an adventure waiting. I was relieved to be finally out in the woods once more, past the large city and thick streets. As we passed all the green, there was endless miles of crystal blue. Izaak tied the horses and the carriage to stakes in the dirt, but after a few feet of dirt, there was a tan, grainy floor. I sank to my knees to examine what appeared to be minuscule pebbles of some kind. "What is this?" Izaak had finished securing the carriage and horses, and when he came to me, he wore no shoes or socks. "This is called sand: it's basically a fine dirt for the sea. Are you ready to explore?" I decided to leave my stockings and shoes with the carriage before walking towards the blue. As we made that trek, I stepped on something rather scratchy and a bit round. I looked under my foot at the cream colored rock-like structure. "Oh, you just stepped on an oyster shell." "What's an oyster?" Izaak grabbed another shell from the sand and put both halves together. "You see, an oyster is a sea critter whose home is made of two shells that are closed like this. When they die or birds come and eat them, their shells are left all over the ground. Make sense at all?" I nodded and took the shells back into my fingers for further examining. As I did so, I kept walking and wound up bare foot first into the wet and frigid water. Though it was very cold, I kept walking until my attention was brought to a small reddish figure toddling away. I oversaw the little creature as he quickly avoided the taming waves and crawled underneath a rock. I then remembered I was in the water and returned my focus to beyond it. From my eyes view, there was only blue and the occasional cloud. My teeth began to chatter, so I waded to shore. Natalina was quietly sipping milk from her bottle in her basket while Izaak was molding the sand into structures when I returned to him. He was very careful as he compacted the sand on top of sand he had previously pressed in. There was something oddly amusing about his sudden creativity; like a potter he took to the modeling- but like a butcher or a woodcarver he mastered the finest of detail. Naturally, yet so dumbfounded by such simplicity, I decided to build my own structure. However, being the perfectionist I ought not to be, I found makeshift tools rather than using my own fingers. I took the bigger oyster shells, filled them with water, and set them to the side while I worked. I wanted to recreate the Comedy Tragedy Mask from a Greek play I read back home. I rolled my sleeves and got to my play, but I realized that sometimes an idea we have, is truly an idea that stays in mind. I had precise tools, plentiful water, sufficient energy, and my two hands- more importantly an idea-, however, my project did not reflect the time spent nor my effort. I checked on Izaak's masterpiece, and I was not disappointed. He carved the "Book&Tailor Shoppe" in the mass of sand he had previously been growing. It obviously wasn't complete, but what was done was delightful and familiar. "It would seem that you generally are good with your hands. You cook, you hunt, you fish, you sail, you gut fish, you slice meat, you carve wood, and now you impress with modeling sand figures- is there anything you cannot do?" He continued to shave and carve at the sand figure with immense focus. "Well, I can't be perfect. I truly don't believe in perfect all that much but I do think it to be possible. There hardly ever is a perfect person, but some are without trying. I don't have to look at you further than your face or today to know you are absolutely everything I can't compete with. I brought you to the beach because Cassian said it to be a good idea, though he doesn't know about how much I loathe the sight of sand and sea, but the smile you hold right now is priceless." I took to Natalina and turned to find myself wrapped in Izaak's arms. "This moment is perfect....I wish I could live in this moment forever; in your arms, holding our child." "So you are okay with her?" Looking into her face and feeling her acceptance of me warmed my heart. "No," I began to answer with happy tears on my cheeks, "I love her."

We went back to his family home a few hours later once the tide had come in. Mama seemed to be a little extra on edge today. We were hardly there for half an hour when she sent Izaak and his father out; I'm not quite sure where since she wasn't entirely speaking English. Natalina willingly took a nap upstairs on my bed while I went downstairs to check on Mama. She pulled me into her arms while repeating, "Don't scare my faint heart!" "Mama, we just went to the beach! It was the most breathtaking experience-" She held up her hand, I thought to shut me up, and I guessed right. "Izzy worries me much when he's with you. How could you learn to love him? How? His father and I would pick girls like you back when he was young man- do you know that Izzy 40?" Her attitude and tone was harsh, very concerning to say the least. I didn't know his age until now, but I never cared to ask because we seemed to understand each other. "Why does he worry you so? Can't you see he's happy and be glad for him? I didn't have to learn, I just saw him and I knew!" "Dear, that's what I'm afraid of." More than flustered, I took to the stairs and skillfully scooped Natty into my arm without waking her. Without saying another word, I slammed the door behind me. It wasn't her place to judge her son like that. It was almost as if she hardly knew him! I walked down the familiar streets and soon began to trek on new ones. I knew it was dangerous to go on my own in a place I hadn't a clue, but at this point I didn't know where I was going or remember how I got to where I am. It began to get darker, and the sunset more vibrant. I tried walking back the way I came, but nothing seemed or felt right. Luckily I had enough money on me to buy myself some food and milk for Natty, but she was beginning to get cranky. I looked out beyond the streets to find the open deck overlooking the bay. My bones were aching and each of my fingers were shriveled from allowing Natty to suck on rather than fussing. The sailors had long since left for home or the bar, and left their days work as a putrid but curious sight on the boardwalk. I felt a calm pair of hands run through my hair as the figure kissed my head. "What are you doing way out here at my father's work?" My Izaak was the one behind me, and he graciously stole Natty from my arms who seemed so much happier with him. "Your mother was accusing you of something, I'm not quite sure of what. She kept speaking ill things, and she really seemed to be worried that I wasn't aware of stupid things! I got out of that house as fast as I could- there was no way I was going to let her lecture me about not knowing you when she abandoned you and doesn't know you like I do. Now that I think of it, she made it seem like she was accusing you of preying on little girls! I couldn't bear any of it." Izaak rolled his eyes and groaned. "I'm sorry that you had to deal with her. At least its only two more days until we go back to secluded secure lives. What do you say we go back and get to resting for tomorrow? I will speak with her about today, but I assure you it will be fine." He took my hand into his and lead me to his horse before lifting me and the baby onto it. He then lead it down the streets as if he'd been here the whole time. "Hey, why did you never tell me your age?" After a moment of silence, he shrugged his shoulders. "Honestly, I never really thought about that until I told you about that mistake I made. Since then I kinda thought you would assume. I'm guessing she told you, so how do you feel about knowing that I'm 40?" " I wouldn't love you any less or more. I just found it curious." He nodded and petted the horses nose as he lead. "I honestly never thought to ask you because when you talk, you feel so much wiser than you look, and now that I'm guessing, you're probably in your early twenties aren't you?" He didn't have to see my face or hear my voice to know that it was true, but if Mam hadn't mentioned, then we both would probably still be in the dark.

That night was frigid even with Natalina in my arms and the layers of blankets on top of us. In my sleep I could feel the air shift and remain as vile. The vision in my head was blurred with bad memories from the day Paul attacked me. Fading in and out of conscious thought, my senses were fully awakened by something heavy cascading on to my body. Reminding me of the snake from the day I went fishing. I lurched from my pillow with a soft pant when I saw that Izaak was there laying a giant fur blanket over the regular quilts. "Rachela, I've got you. I'm sorry I frightened you- I will leave now." He began to leave when I called his name. He stood in the doorway with the moon shining on his eyes. "Stay, please, stay." Izaak silently shut the door as the cold sweat from the night demons soaked my flesh. He took a knee at my bedside and played with my hair. "What's wrong?" "Just stay with me...please stay." Izaak gave in and got into the bed with Natalina in between us. He held us in his teddy bear arms while bringing the warmth and security I required.