My Name is Bill Cipher

The Unfairness of This World

We couldn't call over a doctor for Dipper and Mabel because any doctor might get suspicious of how they obtained such injuries. Also, doctors are expensive. But the twins's injuries we should be able to treat safely here, so for now, Ford and I are doing the best we can to remember any medical studies that would be of use. With Ford's excellent education and my trillion years of memories, I'm sure we're taking good care of them! It's just like the good old days when we were partners... Don't tell him I said that.
     Mabel's doing well. Almost all of her injuries will heal quickly. There's still her rolled ankle, though. We elevated that and it should heal soon.
     Dipper, on the other hand... he hasn't woken up yet. It's not really a problem yet, it's only been a day, but Mabel is really anxious. We've told her not to worry; we have it all under control. You know, hopefully. He's breathing fine on his own, if he wasn't, I guess we'd have to take him to the hospital. If he had had internal bleeding, that would have been a hospital trip as well. And hospital trips mean medical bills we can't pay for, calls to parents, and parents never letting their kids back to Gravity Falls again.
I hear rapping on the door and swing it open to find Gideon, Wendy, and Pacifica looking back at me from the doorstep a bit anxiously. "Hey, Bill," Wendy greets. "I told everyone what happened yesterday and so we came over to make sure everyone was okay."
"Oh, that's... nice of you?" I'm still having trouble discerning what's considered kind or not, but I think I'm doing pretty well! The three in front of me exchange a quick, confused glance.
     "Can we come in?" Pacifica gives me an annoyed stare, but I can see deep worry beyond her annoyance in her eyes.
     "Oh, yeah." I step out of the way and the three enter, making their way toward the attic stairs. I follow them, and they are the first to open the door where the twins are. Stanford is in there, too, currently speaking with Mabel.
Mabel's previously melancholy eyes light up when she sees her friends standing in the doorway. "You came!"
"Of course we came, doofus," Wendy smiles. "We wanted to make sure you guys were doing okay."
"So... are you?" Pacifica's gaze averts to Dipper, who hasn't woken up.
"Things are progressing smoothly," Ford explains calmly. "Don't worry about Dipper. He's well enough that he can stay here and without machines, so we're grateful for that. He should be waking up any time now, but not without a major concussion and awful headaches, I'm afraid."
"So he's going to be okay?" Pacifica presses.
"Yes, only hoping that that concussion won't lead to possible permanent brain damage. But even then, effects may be minor. So don't waste your worries on him. He will be okay," Stanford continues. "I was just explaining this to Mabel, so I think we're all on the same page now."
Pacifica nods and says to Mabel, "Wendy told us what happened."
"Uh huh," Gideon chimes in. "We heard everything. All due respect to you and Dipper, Mabel, but I'm just as concerned as to what was going on with Bill." Gideon turns to me.
     "So am I," Ford says. "We never got the chance to talk much in between last evening and this morning. But I want answers. Now, Bill."
     "If I tell you, will you promise not to take it away from me?"
     "Of course I would take it away! What kind of idiot do you make me out to be?"
     "A pretty idiotic one, at best," I mutter under my breath.
     "I heard that," growls Ford. "Corduroy, secure his wrists."
     "What?" Wendy has my hands behind my back instantly, her grip amazingly strong. "Hey!" I struggle to get away, but find that in my second of distraction, Gideon tied my shoelaces around my ankles.
     "Sorry, man," Wendy says. Her grip doesn't loosen. Stanford begins to pat me down.
"Hey!" I yelp again. "Stop it!" Ford reaches inside my left pocket. No, no, no!
Stanford examines the vial he's pulled from my pocket. This is not good. Recognition floods his eyes. "You mixed the DNA with the Masinoxodgrolimide."
"Whatever the heck you just said... no? I didn't?" This is the most convincing lie I've ever told. Foolproof!
"That's your worst lie yet, Bill," Mabel states.
"Great galaxies, did you trash the place while you were at it, too?!" Ford storms out of the room, pulling me with him. I, my shoelaces tied together, fall flat on my face.
Shoelaces untied, Ford drags me down to his lab. The doors open and we are face to face with... yes, the atrocious mess that I made. "You!" he shouts at me. "That's my work! And my things!"
"Heh. Oops."
"Clean it up, and then you won't be able to get down here because I'll Bill-proof this place."
"Ha ha, yeah, right!"
He was right. I cleaned up my mess for about an hour and then Ford changed the password on the vending machine. "You're not going down there agin. No more tests on you," Stanford explains sternly. I feel like such a child. "And don't be a baby about it. As soon as Mabel and Dipper are up to it, we're preforming the Cipher Wheel zodiac on you, whether you like it or not."
"But I saved all of you!"
"And I'm grateful for that. But because it worked, there must be some chaos left in you. Things could get out of hand. Do you understand, Cipher?"
I nod and give him the dirtiest look I can muster. He scowls in return. The unfairness of this world has finally collapsed upon me.