My Name is Bill Cipher

Two Halves Weakly Held Together

"He has a fever." Dizzy and hot, I hear voices around me. I can't decipher who's speaking, I'm so tired and bleary.
"You can't just get a fever," another voice snaps. "Something must've happened for him to get this sick."
"What, do you think he just stressed himself out too much? Or maybe he just caught a cold."
"This isn't a cold. And if it is, it's like nothing I've ever seen. Look! His forehead isn't just hot, it's turning red! I mean, yeah, I know we shouldn't bring him out in public. That could put any of us in danger. And we're in enough danger with him here as it is!"
     "But what can we do-"
     "We've done enough for him!" roars the first voice. I think it's Dipper's. He sighs. "We can't do anything else for him. He's getting too dangerous. He's still the Bill Cipher we knew. He hasn't changed. He's even becoming a danger to himself! I mean, look at him!"
     As much as I hate to admit it, Pine Tree is right. I feel like my own being is being torn apart. I was never meant to have a body like this. Inside, I'm still Bill Cipher. How could I have ever given in to human thoughts? I'm so terrible, I can never change. I can never change. This thought crushes the human part of me that has held onto hope. Now, I'm two halves weakly held together. I am half of a broken human, and half of a terrible monster.
     I feel so stuck. I feel like a human trapped inside a monster, and a monster that can't detach an accompanying human. The two parts of me are so diverse, I feel like they're eating each other away, eating me away.
I'm hit by another wave a nausea. Ugh! My human body is so helpless!
I moan, and the twins turn, surprised that I'm awake. "Bill," one says, though I can't decipher who. Their voices are beginning to blend together, I can't tell one from the other.
     "Stupid triangle!" I hear voices from the next room over. "If he knew what was good for him, he woulda never left the Shack!"
     "I agree," a voice responds. Sixer? "With him around, the kids could get hurt. Sick or not, he's not safe, no matter what the kids say or what he says."
     "He's right," I murmur. "I haven't really changed. I never did. Only the desperate human part of myself thought so..." I sigh as I confess to Pine Tree and Shooting Star.
"No," Mabel whispers. "No! I saw you- I saw you change! These past few days... have been so exciting. Sure, I know you're still kind of a demon, and I know you're still dangerous, but... you said yourself that you wanted to change! That you didn't want to hurt us! Was that all a lie? We've done so much for you!"
Her tone of voice breaks my heart, but that's just my human self thinking. I have to let go. I have to embrace who I used to be. "Shooting Star- Mabel- no! Yes! Stop it! No, no! Argh! Let go, let go!" I begin to writhe as Dipper and Mabel look on in shock. I believe Stanley and Stanford have entered the room. I cry out as pulses of pain spread throughout my vulnerable body. My hand flies to my head as pangs of pain overtake me. I struggle to maintain my breath. No! Not again!
As soon as it had come on, it has stopped. I lay still, breathing hard, my hand to my chest. "What happened?!" Dipper asked, his voice sounding panicky. He and Mabel have grasped hands.
As I struggle to retain my breath, I answer weakly, "T-this is what happened when you found me outside. When I developed the f-fever. I-it was much worse that time. M-myself... I-I feel... the new human part of me contradicts so much with my demonic self. And I can't control it. It- it hurts."
     After a few moments of silence, Ford says, "Impossible! You don't even have a split personality! It's almost as if... your soul is stuck between two places, two bodies, even."
     I groan in despair. I'm going to die like this. What a dumb way to die. My own soul can't even decide which part of myself it agrees with. If only... hm... oh, that's not a bad idea... if only I can find my old stone form, everything will be back to normal. But the others can't know. They'll keep me from my fun. But I don't want to be stuck in this miserable body for the short remainder of my human life. But there's no way I can leave this house without them stopping me. I'm sure they're going to be extra cautious after what's just happened. I'm going to have to trick them in having to have to let me out of this stuffy shack.
     I fake dizziness and I moan again. "Unghh... I think I'm going to be sick... can I get some fresh air?"
     "Oh, of course!" The twins rush me outside, the older set following close behind. Now how to get them off my tail?
     "Much better," I sigh. "Hey, now that we're out here, why not have a look around the place? It's been awhile and I think I could use some stretching with this limited human body of mine. And anyway, I'm not feeling as bad- perhaps my fever is going away?" That wasn't a lie. I still felt weak, but better than I had before. The four take a cautious look at each other.
     "Fine," Stanley says finally. "But if you wander one step away from us, chump-" he makes a slicing motion across his neck.
     "Got it," I say. I'm going to have some quick planning to do.