Love in 1865

Chapter Sixteen

Heavy in breath as I am, I stopped running and listened once more; I circled around until I saw that on a young bare tree to my left there was a handmade basket. After I lifted the basket off the tree and placed it in the snow, I removed the lid to find a naked negro baby shivering and whimpering. She was barely breathing, poorly fed, and furthermore, not very old. I ripped off my coat and scarf and swaddled her in their warmth. Izaak came fully armed, but when he saw the child, he put his bow away, scooped me and the baby into his arms, and ran with us in the direction of the bobsled. "Is the baby alive?" "Yes, but I don't know for how long, she is so cold. Izaak hurry!" Beast was still asleep in the bobsled when we returned. Izaak set us on the seat and wrapped the blankets tightly to us and slapped the reins.

In the dimming light, we made it to his log cabin. I instantly started a bath for the baby and sent Izaak to warm the milk. To my relief, the she was crying and screeching as I took a towel and soaked it in the warm water before wrapping her in it. Soon natural color began to appear in her face; I sang to soothe her and maybe regain some quiet. Izaak quickly returned with a baby bottle of warm milk, which she willingly accepted, and drank as I continued to sing her to sleep. I then removed the wet towel and wrapped her in a dry one, but she fussed once more and refused sleep. Izaak asked to hold her, and when he took her and rocked her in his arms, she fell back asleep with little protest. I then started a fire in the living room fireplace to let my dress dry and the house get warm.

Every time I peeked at her face, my heart broke slightly at the thought that someone wouldn't want their own daughter. Izaak set the sleeping babe on one of his fireplace chairs then joined me at my side. "Hey, what are you fretting about, Rachela? You saved this baby's life." I accepted the truth, but my eyes never left her. "I just can't believe that someone would leave their child to die on Christmas. What family would do that?" "Not this one," he quickly determined, but corrected, "I meant us. We will not abandon her" He got down on his knees and caressed the baby's head and back, and I trembled as a chill ran up my spine. "You think of me as family?" His deep blue doe eyes pierced mine as he smiled. "Long before today I considered you family, and for just as long I have loved you. I love you, and that is a promise I can't break." My lip quivered, "I don't know if I can accept that. I am afraid...I... I am not strong enough to do this." "Rachela, none of this could have been predicted. You and I both know what will happen to her if we leave her to an orphanage and I can't imagine how scared she is." Backing away I muffled, "Izaak, we are hardly more than good friends and I can't in good thought believe that you would say this now and believe it before. We hardly have talked and this child we found is our wake up call?" "Nay, Rachela. How many moments of knowing glances have we had? Or countless late night meets and conversations? How many times must we be caught up in each other's embraces before we realize the truth? I think this is fate's way of saying give in. What's bothering you about admitting that we are in love? What's so awful about being apart of a family?" My eyes watered when I looked at the baby once more, and I fell to the floor beside the chair. "I want a family so bad, but when I had a whole family I was really missing the other half and I didn't know. I don't want to make the mistakes my father made. I don't deny our passions and I barely find myself without your presence. This is all so sudden. I don't think you understand what is being asked of me; if I understand what you are suggesting then you want me to give up my job, leave my home to join yours, attempt to further our relationship, keep a baby clearly left to die, and raise her alongside you. What makes you so sure I am fit to be yours? I am not a fit mother figure for this child." Izaak towed me back into his arms and brushed the stringy black curls out of my face as he kissed my forehead. "I cannot undo the failures and damage your father put you through, but Gwyneira, there is nothing I would not do to keep you alive with me. I know that your family has always been a tough story, but you can also choose your family. I have a whole family at the coast for me, but I chose you and Beast over them. I know this whole situation especially scares you because your father took you from your mom and left your brother and mother to fend for themselves. But you found that baby left for dead in the snow on the countryside. You saved this child and your father stole a child; those are two totally different concepts. Not everyone is perfect for the jobs they are assigned, but you begin to understand them when you practice and ask for help. When you feel like you can't do it anymore, come to me, if you are afraid and you don't want to be alone, I will be there, if your day is rough, I will gladly cook dinner and do the dishes. The thing is, is you are still learning to cope with all these new details and dealing with issues from your father, and I want to support you in getting better, but you have got to trust me- even if you don't love me" I seized the moment and his lips as I melted to the way his fingers tangled in my hair, the alluring way his breath tasted, and the feeling of his heartbeat against my own. "I knew that I loved you in September, and ever since that first kiss at the Ball, I've felt closer to you than I've been. While you were right about those things, you missed one: I've never been in love before. I don't know where the path leads because I certainly haven't been there and I haven't had good role models either. I hope that maybe one day I can learn to love like you, but I don't know the answers, and there's very little I can guarantee." "Then we can learn together. You are so stubborn and beautiful- and I really should get you home." He offered a half smile as I combed through his hair with my fingers. I checked on the baby and took her into my arms before sitting beside Izaak. "I can't leave you, not when we have a baby. She seems to like you. You should name her." Izaak chuckled and stroked her face. "Her name shall be Natalina. It's late, I will get some more blankets from storage, and be right back." He left the room, and I crawled into one of the chairs with Natalina. She was so delicate and still a little cold, but the way she fit in my arms as I held her made it easy for me to join her in dreamland.