Tevun-Krus #47 - Galactic Empire

Hardcore Honey and the Alien Space Bats - A Short Story by @AngusEcrivain

Alien Space Bats - An Alternate History trope dealing with the divergence of a timeline. If the point of divergence is an extraordinary or supernatural phenomenon, Alien Space Bats are responsible.

Also known as 'A Wizard Did It,' when dealing with fantastical tales.

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No Gingers were harmed whilst writing this piece. However some might have been offended. Sorry about that.

Seven Shades of Shit

The unveiling of the HMS Queen Liz, the second of her name and the largest vessel ever built for use by the Royal Navy by a metric fucktonne, was a joyous occasion.

Millions of well-wishers, including the extended families of those due to serve onboard the craft, had gathered on the gantry, the dockside and even the fields beyond on what was, in truth, a rather balmy summer's evening, of which Mars was lucky enough to boast occurred with no small degree of regularity.

The Red Planet, more of an affectionate pet name than anything else as the fourth rock from the Sun was covered in lush rainforest and high, fertile plains, and had been since colonisation took place some 150 years prior in 1867, was the richest of the Inner Planets and amongst the very richest in Sol, thanks in no small part to its shipyards.

Attired in her ceremonial battle armour with the Duke of Invergordon, her husband and Lord High Admiral of the Empire at her side, the Queen of the British Empire stood fast as the HMS Queen Liz' Core Drive whirred into life and the vessel pulled slowly away from the dock.

She quickly picked up the pace and within the merest of moments she broke atmosphere and set about a trio of lightning-fast orbits, as was the custom for any newly-commissioned craft.

"That should take care of the uprising on Greater Dennisen, Pip," the Queen said with a smile upon her aged face as the HMS Queen Liz completed her third and final fly-by before heading towards Proxima to rendezvous with the rest of the fleet.

"I bloody well hope so," the Duke replied with a mischievous grin. "Bloody foreigners. Bloody ungrateful shit-eaters, the lot of them!"

There was a pop, both audible and tangible, as the HMS Queen Liz' Core Drive engaged fully, thus propelling the vessel towards Proxima at a speed several times the speed of light, the force of which sent the Duke of Invergordon's bowler hat flying from his head and it landed upon the concrete at his feet.

He stooped, as one might expect, to retrieve it, as a bullet that was otherwise destined to shatter his solar plexus passed several inches above his head and embedded itself harmlessly five feet into the side of one of the docks' many warehouses.

"Did you see that, Liz?" he asked as with the retrieved bowler in hand, he extended to his full height. "Bloody bastard tried to kill me!"

"There's only one person I can think of who would have the outright audacity to make an attempt on your life, Pip," said the Queen, thoughtfully. "It's about time you and I got our hands dirty and beat seven shades of shit out of our ungrateful and psychotic former daughter-in-law... And after we paid for her life-reconstruction surgery post-Paris, too!"

Disability Benefits

Royalty or not, there was only one way for a Ginger to earn the respect of his or her peers and that was lifelong military service.