Lost Secrets (BWWM)

Chapter Thirteen

Disrespect is something I will never grow accustomed to. I don't like it so I don't deal with it - period. Last night was the final straw between Warin and I. If he wants to treat this like a business transaction, then so be it. I thought we could be something. I thought I could open up to him and finally start to change but I see him for who he is now. Fool me once, fool me twice, and all that.

I thought he was different. He's the one man on earth that can hide what he's thinking from me - I don't know why I thought that was a good thing. Now that I know for sure how he feels I'm done. I've given him more chances than I've given any other man ever. I'm a one strike you're out kind of girl but with him, simply because of who I thought he was, I gave him chance after chance and at every turn he showed me who he was.

I wanted so badly to believe that he was a kindred spirit. I knew he and I were alike in the way we conducted our relationships but more than that I'd hoped that we shared the same dream deep down. I'd hoped that for him, like for me, the hands-off approach to all things related to actually caring about someone was an act, something that was necessary up until a point. Last night, however, showed me that he really is as much of an aŝshole as I pretend to be.

I awoke this morning expecting an apology of some sort. He's never come right out and apologized for his outbursts but because I thought I understood him I took his other actions as him asking for forgiveness. Now I know it's more likely that he just wanted back into my pants. I can't tell what hurts the most, that I misjudged the situation so majorly or that he only wanted me to pass the time.

My one 'claim to fame' is knowing what men want and providing it on my own terms, the way I like and making them love it. I'm so damned good at it because their thoughts are rolled out for me like a red carpet, it's easy pickings. I guess with Warin, my pride was involved because he's totally shut off with me – I can only see what he allows me too, albeit sometimes unwittingly. It's always fake with the others, just game to get what I want from them before I toss them aside. Warin's the first man I've actually had to try for in ages and I must admit I enjoyed the challenge. Along with that, however, came very real feelings that are very much so hurt right now, but he'll never know it.

The second I enter into the living room to find an empty kitchen and silent house I know the last flicker of hope I had for reconciliation is gone. One check outside has me panicking, especially once I see Warin's car is missing. Although I didn't set ground rules, I thought it was understood that he wasn't to go anywhere outside of the neighborhood without me. We don't need Marion getting her hands on him and with everything she knows I wouldn't be surprised if she could break our bond somehow and be in a position to really do some damage.

I want to call him but my pride won't allow it. Even though he could be in evil's clutches right now I can't get his words from last night out of my head. It was nothing he hadn't said before but the position we were in when he said it makes is a million times worse.

Deciding against risking looking thirsty by calling him, I rush to get my crystals and candles so I can perform a locator spell. My heart is beating wildly in my chest, the sound echoing like a cave in my ears. I can hardly hear myself think let alone focus my energy enough for a spell but I need to at least know he's safe – even if he is an aŝs.

Just as I make it to the kitchen table with my armfuls of supplies, I hear my front door open. I know it's Warin before I even turn around. A part of me internally lets out a relieved sigh while the rest of me fills with annoyance. Spinning on my heel to face him, he looks surprised as he turns the corner into the kitchen.

"Oh ŝhit!" he exclaims, holding his chest, "You scared me."

My eyes roll of their own accord. "Where were you?" I ask, trying to keep my voice attitude free so he doesn't feel like I care.