Little Do You Know

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A/N: This one-shot is going to take place during mid-season five, while the plot is all about the ending of season three.

Spencer /saw/ Toby 'dead' in the woods. Mona had made it to where it felt as real as anything, and Spencer truly believed the love of her life, despite what she believed he had done, was dead. That kind of thing would have a long lasting effect on somebody; /especially/ Spencer based on the state she is constantly left in with -A on her tail hurting people she loves left and right.

Spencer, too, believed it was her fault that Toby had died. She said it many times- that she had involved him & that Toby only ever joined this team because /she/ and her friends had done things to him long before they really knew each other.

"Somebody did kill Toby, but I am the reason that he is dead!"

That would have a long lasting effect on somebody; would easily scar somebody for the rest of their life. IT MAKES ME MAD THAT THE WRITERS NEVER REALLY HAD SPENCER AND TOBY TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED jskdjdkdndkficildnd

Anyways, like I said, this will take place during mid-season 5. Yes, Spoby is fighting pretty intensely right now. And yes, Toby is focused on being a cop at the moment, but he will drop everything for Spencer, as we have seen time and time again.

Without further ado, on to the one-shot!

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Little do you know
how I'm breaking while you fall asleep.
Little do you know
I'm still haunted by the memories.

She woke with a start.

Sweat lined her forehead like tears stained her cheeks. She was cold and her skin was cold and he was cold.

She shut her eyes; trying to block out each lasting trace of her dream- nightmare, trying to rid her mind of the painful memories that paraded around her head.

Sobs continued to rock her body; every part of her shaking and shaking and trembling because she didn't know what was real and what she had made up.

She willed herself to calm down; tried everything she knows how to do.

She paused.
She counted.
She took in several deep breaths.
She did it again.

Wash, rinse, repeat
Wash, rinse, repeat

Her eyes remained shut until she had successfully calmed her breathing; though her exercises did little to stop the tear tracks staining her skin.

These memories appeared at random; moving from the back of her mind to the forefront on particular nights she never found a pattern to.

These memories physically hurt her; left her disoriented and afraid and unsure and deprived and in need of him.

These memories pained her. These memories became the ocean. This ocean became her mind.

Her mind became the ocean she drowned in.

Little do you know
I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece.
Little do you know
I need a little more time.

She began the routine she created the first time these memories appeared in the form of a nightmare after she saw him in the woods.

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