A Higher Eduction

PT.7 - Cozy

I scoffed. "Shawn I got that message over forty minutes ago. Didn't need to make a trip over."

He stood silently looking at me pressing his lips together. I was so upset but the anger was hiding it well for me. "If you're trying to send me a message Shawn, don't worry I've gotten it loud and clear." I waited only a moment before stepping back to close the door.

"No stop y/n," Shawn said pressing his hand into the door keeping me from shutting it. "Wait."

Slowly I turned and my voice cracked. "I did already..."

He closed his eyes and sighed. "No please, just listen. I'm sorry. It's just I can't come in there." He anxiously ran his fingers through his hair and looked up at the ceiling. "Y/n, I can't come in there. Because if I do, we both know what is going to happen. And honestly...I don't know if I can handle that anymore."

Suddenly I softened.

"I feel so... useless. I feel inadequate and I don't know what to do?" He ran his fingers through his hair again shaking it as he uncomfortably grimaced and shrugged his large shoulders. "I have absolutely no idea what to do."

I sighed. "Shawn, that's not why I asked you to come. I didn't have any intention that we would-,"

"But you know we would." He cut in abruptly.

"No. No, we wouldn't Shawn. That is not what I had planned, but you didn't even give me a chance."

"Stop lying y/n. Every damn time we've been alone that's all it's been about. I feel like all we do now is fuck."

My voice grew high in agitation. "Shawn, that's not what I had planned!"

He was dead set that was that was the reason I asked him to come over so he began to shake his head, refusing to listen.

"I had no intentions for that Shawn. If you would have come over you'd seen that."

"It might not have been your intention but you and I both know it would have lead to that. It always seems to."

I closed my eyes frustrated. "No, you're wrong."

He began to shake his head again his curls flopping side to side a little and I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere.

"I can't. Even if we say nothing will happen, we know it will. Listen, y/n, I'm not trying to be a -" Shawn began, but then I pushed open the door to show inside. Nothing I could say at this point would make him understand what I wanted.

I looked to the ground upset that he didn't trust me anymore as he peered inside.

"What's tha -," He said but fell short before locking on my eyes. I looked down at my feet still upset and shook my head.

"What I had planned," I mumbled.

He looked at me a few more times between looking inside. Finally, he held his eyes on me and then slowly walked inside. I held the door open a few more moments before slowly letting it close; the latch making a locking sound before I spoke.

"I said that wasn't my intention and I was telling the truth."

Shawn stood with his back to me as he looked at the large bed sheet draped over my room making a large fort between the two beds. It was similar to ones I'd made in my adolescence.

I stepped forward. "I just wanted to spend time together. Just you and I, and spend it like we used too."

He turned to me as I got closer.

"I just miss you, I miss... us." I began to shake my head and rolled my eyes, still feeling silly. "So my brilliant plan was that you'd come over and we'd sit under the fort I made, like the child I am, eat popcorn and watch action movies like Fast and Furious or something."