PT.6 - Want

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"Fuck," Shawn muttered on my bare shoulder. "Why can't I fucking get that right!"

Still breathless I was unfazed by what Shawn was referring to.

"What?" I said through my spacey mind.

"That. I can't keep myself together long enough." His voice told me he was upset with himself.

Turning my head I found a head full of messy brown curls. He was upset because he came before me again, it was the fifth time now.

"Shawn please stop with that. Don't worry about it."

He pulled his head away and look down at me. His brows pulling together like they always did when he was confused or insulted. "I am going to worry about it."

I rolled my eyes and Shawn caught it.


I scoffed. "It's not a big deal Shawn. I've said this before, stop stressing about it."

He shook his head and rolled off me. "It is a big deal."

"Not to me."

Shawn rolled onto his back before laying silently. There was tension between our close bodies and I was unsure of how to break it. But before I could think of anything Shawn was getting up to go to the bathroom.

It had been a week since Shawn had come over the night of the party. While both of us were elated to move on from being solely platonic it seemed we were starting to struggle sexually.

Shawn came quick, like really quick. It wasn't awful but it put a damper on things sometimes. But the part that was making everything worse was how Shawn was handling it. He was being incredibly hard on himself which only added more pressure. I kept reassuring it was fine and that things would work out, but after every time Shawn finished he ruined the moment by bashing on himself. I hated it because it removed every feeling of satisfaction I had gotten, but I couldn't stop him.

When Shawn returned to the bed I moved over but we didn't reach to hold one another or cuddle. There was something brewing between us, the tension was growing thicker with each passing day from Shawn's out pouring of frustration. But either of us made an effort to end the tension, probably because we didn't know how?

Occasionally one of us would turn and look to one another but never did we turn to make eye contact. It made me uneasy knowing that we had no idea what to do with ourselves because we always had before while we were friends.

"Shawn." I finally forced myself to whisper as we looked upwards.


I took a deep breath with anxiety.

"Are we okay?"

Where was a second too long of a pause. "Yeah, of course... Why?"

I continued to feel uneasy even with his answer. "I don't know... it just..." But I never finished my sentence.

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