You Never Know (Harry Styles)

Ch 45: Princess

Harry's POV

"Marriage?" I choke.

This has to be a joke. We are so young and still have so much to learn about each other. I am not ready to marry Nicole, and I know she isn't either.

My head is spinning and I can't think straight. Nicole's face is expressionless. Why does it look like she is ready for this? What is she thinking? Will she accept the plan?

She looks fine, not the least bit nervous from Gloria's proposal. How can she possibly be okay with this? It's so soon...

Maybe I'm the problem. If I actually loved her, I would be as calm as her. If I actually loved her, I would marry her right now. Why am I questioning marriage? Why isn't she? What if I don't love her the way I have always thought? I used to think that she couldn't possibly love me more than I love her, but in this instance, I believe otherwise. She is ready for marriage, and I am not. There has to be a reason.

I begin to think of the reason I prepared the contest for her, anyways. I had only met her once, which was at the ski lodge. Something told me that I had to see her again, but what if I only wanted her to help me rebel against management? During the ski trip, that's all I wanted to do. I wanted to get back at management for wasting yet another one of my days with the publicity stunt. When I saw Nicole, was the adrenaline that I had the feeling of love, or the feeling of the ability to get revenge on Tracey? When Nicole lay in the hospital, did I wait there to see if she was alright, or did I just want her on my team?

Have I been using Nicole this entire time just to get back at management? When I escaped from Heather's house, was I protecting Nicole, or was I doubting my decision to have her rebel with me against Tracey? When I ran back to the hotel thinking she had left me, was I worried that I had lost the girl I love, or the key to take down management?

My thoughts make no sense to me, but at the same time they make so much sense.

The reason I won't agree to marriage is because this entire relationship has been a lie.

No, it can't be. If Nicole walked away right now, would I chase her? Yes, I would. But would it be for the right reason, or the wrong?

"Harry," Nicole swipes her hand in front of my face, concluding my jumbled thoughts.

"Oh, um, what?"

"Gloria said we don't have to get legally married, if you don't want to. We can have someone act as the priest," Nicole explains. She must sense how extremely nervous I am.

"D- do you want to get married?" I ask. "I'm not proposing, I'm just wondering."

I couldn't possibly propose to her like that, she deserves something much more special. She deserves to be proposed to in the most romantic, creative way possible.

Why do I think of her that way, but at the same time believe that I don't love truly love her?

I make no sense.

"No, of course not yet!" she giggles.

What?

"Then why are you acting so calm?" I ask, laughter falling from my lips as well.

"I'm was freaking out on the inside until Gloria said it doesn't have to be legal," she responds. "I just wanted to see what you thought about it, first."

I feel a huge weight being lifted from my chest, causing me to be able to breathe again. My thoughts were wrong. I really need to stop doubting my love for her. Just because I am not ready for a legal marriage does not mean that I love her any less than I do. It's just too soon right now, and I can't explain how great it feels to know that she feels the same way.