Magcon Group Chat || S.M.{ON HOLD}

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A year later
(Erin-17 Shawn-18
everyone is just a year older )

Shawn and I have been through our ups and downs but since that first fight we've been so much closer. We don't keep any secrets, except one.

He doesn't know that I've been cutting and I haven't really stopped. He obviously knows that Im depressed but I have no reason to be. I'm currently on tour with Shawn on the European leg of the Illuminate World Tour. He has James TW and myself opening for him. It's amazing. I wish I could find a way to stop. Shawn's practically the only reason Im living right now.

I have so much to be thankful for but I'm flushing it all down the drain

"Baby, what are you thinking about?" Shawn asked with a little chuckle

"I'm, I-I have something to tell you, we'll show you" I stuttered

"Erin" Shawn said sternly. I slowly took my hoodie off, revealing my slashed arms

"Erin. Why? Why, do you do this go yourself. You're so prefect that even your imperfections are perfect. You need to understand that I have to tell Drew about this. I really don't want to but by the look of this you're more danger to yourself then you think. I love you so fucking much that I can't let you suffer like this. It's gone to far not to say anything and I feel like shit for not noticing that you're in pain. Im such an asshole for not checking on you every not and then" Shawn asked/rambled on

"Shawn, you're NOT telling Andrew of Drew. I just need your help to get over this and I hope you know how difficult it is to stop. I wanted to tell you because I need you're support but if you plan on telling anyone I'll just go deal with it myself, but as you can see, that's pretty damn hard" I snapped. I don't know why I snapped, but I did

"I'm sorry" I sighed once I figured out what I said

"It's okay. I know you're upset but please stop. I'm throwing out anything that you could possibly hurt yourself with. You're gonna shave when Im there with you. You can put on a bikini and sit in the tub for all I care, but you're not being left alone. I lost you once and I'm not losing you permanently, ever." Shawn hugged me tightly, then stood up, taking my hand, leading us to the bathroom

"Give me all your blades. And I mean all" He stuck his hand out as he was waiting. I opened my makeup bag and took out a brush case I have. I undid a few buttons and passed him the ones i had hidden in there. I also gave him
my razor that I use for shaving. He is right. Im a danger to myself. I gave him all my blades

"Is this it?" He asked after flushing the bloody pieces of metal I gave him

"Yes" I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in

"I love you. You need to talk to someone. We will talk about this after sound check" Shawn wiped away both of our tears. We talked about it for a while as we both cried.

I recently released an EP and I've been preforming songs from that and I've been doing a few covers on stage. It makes me so happy and I forget about everything when I'm up there

"Shawn?" I asked as we watching James

"Yeah?"

"If you promise to help me, I'll promise to stop" I mumbled

"Yes, baby! Yes! What ever it takes to get you healthy" He pulled me into a tight/comforting hug

"I love you" I kissed him

"I love you too"

~3 hours later~

"You'll kill it" Shawn kissed my cheek as I walked on stage in the O2 Arena. I can't believe he sold out the O2. I'm insanely proud of how far we've both come, but especially him. He even sold out Madison Square Garden

"Little do you know, how I'm breaking while you're sound asleep" I walked onto the stage singing. I know that this song isn't 'hype' or whatever but it really connects to my life right now. After I sang 'Little Do You Know', I did sing more upbeat songs and I was on stage for about 45 minutes before the stage was prepared for Shawn

"That was amazing!" James hugged me as I ran off stage

"Thank you" I hugged back and pecked his cheek in a sisterly way. There were  people clapping behind me so I let go of James and turned around to see who was there

"No" I stood there in shock. The entire Magcon Family was standing behind me, as well as Veronica and Venessa Merrell and the Dolan Twins

"What the hell are you guys doing here?" I asked as I was tightly hugged by Jack and Jack. I haven't seen them in about 5 months

"We came to support our family" Johnson said, implying Shawn and I

"I missed you guys" I whispered to them

"My turn" Aaron wiggled me out from the Jack sandwich

"Why are you so god damn talented?" Aaron squeezed me

"I don't know" I chuckled and went around hugging everyone else and Shawn did the same

"I haven't seen you guys in so long" I teared up when I hugged Ethan and Grayson

"We missed you, E" Grayson whispered and kissed the top of my head since I am so much shorter than them

"Let me go get changed and we can sneak you guys out to watch the concert" I smiled to everyone after we introduced them to James. I quickly ran off to my dressing room and quickly changed from my more "stage appropriate" clothes, as Drew puts it. I quickly put on a hoodie and a pair of jeans and ran back out to the group

"I'm going on in 5. Please talk to the Jack's" Shawn whispered to me nonchalantly, playing it off when he hugged me

"Kill it out there, Mendes" I smiled and pecked his lips. The guys, Mahogany, Venessa and Veronica all went out to where they were sitting to watch Shawn preform his goosebump-giving show

"I'm gonna miss you when this tour is over" James said to me in his gorgeous accent

"I'm gonna miss you, too" I sighed and wrapped my arm around his side as his was over my shoulder.

We watched Shawn as the night went on and I don't care what anyone's says; when he sings 'Bad Reputation' live, it could make anyone drop their panties for him, but luckily the only person doing that for him is me

~1am~

We just got to out hotel room. We spent the rest of our night catching up with our friends and eating a lot of food

"I'm proud of you" I told him

"I'm proud of you" He placed his lips on my forehead and cuddled me until we both fell asleep

______
I AM
SO SO SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING!

I've genuinely had no idea what to do with this book. Are you guys okay with me doing a few Instagram chapters in this? They're fun and easy to write

How have you all been?

I know this chapter is shitty but  i couldn't get any thing to work right. I've re-written this chapter so many times you wouldn't believe it and i'm still not happy with it but i guess i'll have to deal with it

I love
you all and thank you for sticking around

~Erin