The Favoured, The Fair and Ms. Vérité Claire

8 Pardonnez-moi

"Don't let me stop you," Jullia said, waving them off. "Have fun. Don't fall in."

Bernard cracked a crooked smile. It was killing him.

******

The next day, as Julia and Bernard waited alongside Vérité in the lounge of her dermatologist's office, Bernard moaned about Paris and groaned about life not treating him fairly until Vérité was summoned.

"Always a bridesmaid," he sighed dramatically. Vérité pouted sympathetically as the nurse led her away.

"You can knock it off now," Julia said.

"What?"

"We both know the only reason you're sitting Paris out is because you want to stay home so you can sneak around with your new boyfriend."

"You shut up about him. You're not good enough to speak his name."

"His fake name? Hervé? I heard Minx call him Harvey once, you know."

"What do you want to stay quiet? A year's supply of Oreos? Dinner to Medieval Times?"

"I'll tell you what I want."

"Oh, yes. Here it comes." Bernard threw his head back like he was dry swallowing a pill. "I knew it! I knew it!"

"Knew what?"

"You're just like all the rest of us. You, Miss Goody-Gumfarts, are just as conniving and scheming and ambitious and morally ambivalent as alllll the rest of us squirrels trying to get nuts around here. Only you're worse because you're pretending to be sweet and nice and helpful but you're an obvious kind of Eve and I know all about you! You're just waiting for a moment to push Vérité down the stairs aren't you? Hmm? See what she leaves you? Probably wondering why that old lady refuses to let you make her toast in the bathtub. Aren't you?"

"Bernard!"

"So I'll negotiate with you, you terrorist, because Hervé and I are star-crossed lovers, just like West Side Story, only I'm Rita Moreno and he's Russ Tamblyn – the way it should have been! What is it you want, Babe Ruthless? Let's see how bottomless your pit really is."

"Bernard, you sad, strange pipecleaner," Julia said calmly. "All I want is for you to stop whining about a vacation you care nothing about. Period."

"And you won't tell Vérité?"

"On you and Russ Tamblyn? Why would I want to ruin your relationship?"

"Because I'd ruin yours."

"This strategy is unwise."

"Don't you want anything for yourself?"

"Sure I do! But why should it cost you?"

"Well I, I don't know what to say to that."

"Your secret's safe. Bernard. I just want you to shut up."

"Right, but what if Vérité - "

"You know there is something I do want."

"I KNEW IT!"

"I only want it of your own free will. I wouldn't dream of forcing you."

"What is it?"

"I want you to tell me something."

"As in confide in you? Like we're proportionately opposite girlfriends?"

"Uh-huh."

"Go on then."

"What's Hervé's real name? It is Harvey, isn't it?"