Raining (Camren AU)

Caskets & Counseling

Camila storms back into the apartment, not noticing or caring that Lauren wasn't there, she immediately grabs her master out of her drawer, walking into the living room, jamming the needle into her arm and crumbling to the ground. She sobs into the puddle of rainwater surrounding her, punching the ground as she curls into a fetal position. Camila cries for another 30 minutes, settling into small sniffles as she stares at the leaky ceiling drip into the bucket, the drops coming farther apart as the rain dies down.

Lauren comes back in soon after Camila falls asleep on the ground, rushing to the small girl and immediately checking her pulse. Horribly, it's out of habit. A lot of times when Camila is asleep Lauren will check her pulse just to make sure, terrified that her girlfriend will take a nap only to never wake up.

"Hey Camz, why did you sleep on the floor?" Lauren whispers as she lifts the drug addict off the ground, carrying her bridal style to the bedroom.

"Dinah said that...you're my heroine." Camila mumbles sleepily as the raven haired girl lays her on the bed. She freezes as she takes in her words, nodding her head slowly.

"And what do you think about that?" Lauren inquires, pulling Camila's wet jeans off her legs.

"I think that...DJ can suck a dick." The tiny brunette doses back to sleep, Lauren sitting next to her, chuckling at her girlfriend's response. Lauren lays beside her, cuddling Camila's as they both drift off to sleep.

Today, Camila wakes up with a jump, startling herself out of a nightmare that leaves her hyperventilating in a cold sweat. Lauren groans sleepily next to her, and that frightens the small brunette further, not used to waking up next to her girlfriend. Lauren tries to unconsciously cuddle Camila back into bed, but the Latina is too wired to sleep anymore, reliving her nightmare over and over again on a constant loop.

It was her dead sister Sofia, rising from the grave and grabbing Camila by a handful of hair, and dragging her and drowning her in the bucket full of rain water in the living room. It was horrifying and Camila felt it was symbolic, so she avoided looking at said bucket as she made her way to the shower. After being cleaned up and dressed, Camila sat at the kitchen table with another syringe, contemplating her next move.

Pre-guilt/dread tornado. That unexplainable feeling that you're about to do something that you know you shouldn't. Dinah told her to be sober to her appointment, which was a reasonable request, but Camila's never been reasonable. She knows she shouldn't, she could wait a couple hours to shoot when she got home. But then again, Lauren. She picked up the the needle.

The scratchy sensation of sin. Bargaining, Camila reasoned with herself. The therapist would probably give her some kind of medication or try and get her in rehab, so she should get high now while she has the chance. Camila knows her excuse is stupid, she knows she should just be a mature adult and do what she's has to. But then again, Lauren. She pressed the needle into a vein in her arm.

The heaviest depression. Her mouth tastes like sad songs and she gulps down her dry throat as tears well in her eyes. Not even a slight pain from the needle, completely calm inside and out. Camila observes the tiny dots that litter her arms, the legacy of the many weak moments like this one. She sees no hope, her arms are bound in metaphorical handcuffs, Camila sees no reason to be free. She's about to plunge the needle. But then again, Lauren stops her, gently grasping her wrist as she pulls the syringe out of her girlfriend's skin.

"Don't do this Camz. You won't get better this way." The dark haired girl says, and Camila gazed up at her pale face. Her face is entirely ghostly, so white she almost looks transparent, and Camila recognizes it as her morning "glow." Lauren has always been pale in the morning, always looking like she was on the edge of fading.