Handle With Clare

Chapter 32: I WANT TO LIVE

Saying nothing back to me, she grabbed my hand and led me to a bench under a tree. "You have a big choice to make, Clare," she said with a seriousness that I have never heard from her before.

Her tone set me on edge a little. Why was all of this so important to her? "What do you mean?"

"Think Clare," she said with a small smile, a hint of playfulness in her voice, reminding me of the old Anna that was my best friend.

I thought for a second as a warm breeze ruffled the trees. None of this was possible. This was not real, but was this really a dream? There was something that was so different about all of this, hinting that this was real. "I'm dead."

She raised her eyebrows at me as if I was on the right path, then smiled. "If you want to be, you can."

I held up a finger to her, not quiet she sure what she was hinting at. "Wait, you're saying I can pick?" I asked, not knowing that I had the luxury to do that. I thought the hands were dealt, and the game was over, I thought my life was over, the lack of life I had just fading into nothing. But now Anna was beside me, saying there was a choice?

She shrugged and took another bite of her apple. "Man, this apple's good. Want one?" she asked, but I simply shook my head at her. "This is your life to pick. I'm just a mediator."

"I was going to die. I had cancer. It was killing me," I explained to Anna, but she already knew the facts.

She laughed at me but it sounded like wind chimes. And suddenly I felt a little embarrassed that I was maybe asking her the wrong questions. She waved her hand again, changing the scene of where we were at. My gray shoes vanished, replaced by my bare feet that stood still on the cold ground.

I looked down a long wide hall and the smell of cleaners filled my nose. The hospital was something that I knew all too well and I wondered why we were here. "Come on Clare, I want to show you something," Anna said as she stepped in front of me. She held out her hand and I took it without question.

We walked through the halls until I saw my parents, and Peter, sitting down with Doctor Patel, and another man that I didn't know.

Relief flooded over me as I knew everything would be ok as soon as I was with them. "Mom! Dad! Peter!" I ran up to them but they didn't flinch. I waved at them but they didn't seem to notice that I was right in front of them.

"They can't hear or see you," Anna said calmly as she looked at them. She smiled lightly and then added, "I think Peter has gotten cuter."

I nodded. She wasn't wrong about that statement. He had, but this was not the time to notice his looks. I stopped when my mom spoke up, changing my attention to everyone at the table again.

"So, you're saying there's hope?" mom asked Doctor Patel.

He nodded, with a hint of excitement shining in his eyes that I hadn't seen in a long time. "Clare's taking well to this new treatment. We're really seeing improvement this time. When she came in with Peter a week ago, I didn't think that she had more than a few days left. However ever since we started this new treatment four days ago, she's making positive changes."

I felt a lump in my stomach as his words sank in. A week ago? four days ago for a new treatment? I have been already asleep for a week?

My mom started to cry, and dad hugged her tightly as they looked just as excited as doctor Patel.

"So what's the next step, uncle?" Peter asked the other doctor who I didn't know.

At that moment, the scene changed again. I wanted to shout as her, wanting to stay and hear more of the conversation, but my attention chanced when I felt my legs in ankle-deep in warm clear green-blue water. I looked out at the water that seemed to extend forever without touching land. The smell of salt filled my nose and I could feel the heat of the sun on my face. This was the summer that I wanted, on a trip, to the ocean.