Handle With Clare

Chapter 30:I know better than you know yourself

Hey guys!!! Sorry this is like a year late. I had been a bit busy moving across country and with family vacations and things. Also look for the <> for when to listen to the song. I do hope you enjoy the songs I have been picking out because I do believe that songs add so much more to a story.

I hope you enjoy this!

Darla

I tossed in my bed as I felt burning in my limbs. I pushed against my head, hoping to ease the migraine, wanting more than ever for sleep to take over so I could avoid this pain, however it wouldn't come to me. I was now seriously doubting my ability to act properly, knowing that I needed those drugs that I threw away.

I reached for my phone as the screen light up saying 1:47 AM. I frowned, as if that would help anything. This was the third time tonight that I have woken up and it was only 1:47.

I shifted in my sheets as I looked up at the ceiling with a sigh, knowing that it was going to be a long night. I patiently waited for sleep to come, but it didn't as I laid there for what felt like forever, trying to push the feeling of pain to the back of my mind, but after a while, I gave up. Looking for a distraction, I turned to my phone and read through my text messages instead.

The only person who was texting me was Peter, and I knew I shouldn't look because it only made things harder, but I was curious to see what he wrote. Call me crazy but when the sun was up, I was too scared to look, but the night gave me confidence that I never had.

Clare, I, I want to make things right.

I don't know what else to say, Clare.

Clare?

Please can we talk?

I could almost hear his pleading voice in the last message that Peter sent to me. In fact, I could read his pain in his messages and he wasn't the only one that felt that pain. His desperate texts caused my heart to rip in half. I refused to talk to him for a few weeks but in the dead of night, without thinking about it further, I texted him back. "What do you want to talk about?"

Within a second, my phone buzzed with a text from him.

"I want to know what is going on. I have been trying to make sense of it all and it doesn't seem to connect."

"You want closer?"  Ready to give him exactly that. I wasn't planning on giving him some kind of false hope because I saw this as pointless. I could feel it in my bones now, I had little time left, and he needed to understand that.

There were a few minutes of silence, and then my phone buzzed again. "No, I want to fix this." the text message said.

I rolled my eyes because there was nothing to fix. The only thing he could do now is move on for the both of us. "You don't get it, Peter, there's nothing to patch, there's nothing to work on because what you seem to forget is that I'm out of time. I have only a few more months, and I couldn't drag you down any more than I already was. You need to move on Peter." I said honestly as my heart broke, knowing that I didn't want to give him up, but it was the right thing to do.

"No, I will not take that as an answer. We can find a new treatment. I know people that could help." The message said.

I could imagine Peter shaking his head, with a begging tone and hope in his voice. He always seems to be so positive about things. He never took no as an answer and that's something that I hope he never loses.

"There's no new treatment," I lied to him.

"Can I come see you? Face to face?"

I gave a small laugh, as I looked at the time on my phone. 2:50 AM was the middle of the night, no one should be up at this time and it made me wonder why he was up. "It's too late for this." I typed back although I part of me wanted to see him one more time even though it would hurt.