Handle With Clare

Chapter 12: My Secret

Hello! Keep an eye out for the bold <> for when to play the song! Enjoy!

I laughed at Farrah as she told me about a story she had about her friends at the pool today. I felt a pang of jealousy because she could swim, but I found myself stuck at the hospital all afternoon with an IV in my arm. More than anything I would have loved to be by the poolside soaking up the sunny weather. Then maybe I would get a tan instead of keeping the same pale color year-round.

It had been three weeks since Peter took me to the bonfire and we had seen each other a lot since then. The more I hung out with him, the more I learned how to better hide my symptoms from him. Peter stopped asking questions, and that was good enough for me.

A part of me thought about telling him about my health. But every time I thought about it, I would get scared of losing all of what we had. I would overthink it, and before I had the chance to open my mouth, I would stop the thought.

But Peter, wow. I had no words for how he had turned into a light in my life. Just thinking about him brought a smile to my face. I know I hadn't dated him for long, but I felt like he was my best friend. I craved to be by his side at any moment of the day. Like a drug, I felt him change me, but for the better. I was feeling more like my old self before cancer came. I felt more carefree and happy not only when I was with him. Since dating him, I focused less on the cancer and more on Peter.

With him helping me, though, I noticed myself laughing more and being more social. I think my parents noticed this as well because dad started complaining less about me spending time with Peter. I think they wanted to see this change in attitude as much as I did.

"Dad and I have to run some errands, then go on a much-needed date. If you need anything, call us. We should be back in a few hours," mom said to both Farrah and me as we sat on the couch together. She opened the garaged door, then put her beat-up black leather oxfords.

I looked up from my phone, then to Farrah. She smiled at me widely. She had been waiting for my parents to go out all day because of a plan up her sleeve, but she hadn't told me yet. "We will," we both said at once.

We said goodbye to them, then Farrah went back to her stories for a few more minutes just to make sure they left. Finally, after her last story, she said, "want to do something?" she wiggled her eyebrows and looked at the window that showed the back yard.

I chuckled at her. She always wanted to do something exciting with me after the parents went out. I liked it, but I wish I didn't have to be so secretive about it. I wish I could go do things with her when they were around without them throwing disapproving looks or stopping us all together. I knew they just wanted to keep me healthy, but they were killing my childhood. "Sure, like what?"

"Let's go jump on the neighbor's trampoline," she smiled widely, as if this was the best idea that she had come out in a long time.

As fun as that idea may have sounded, I was pretty sure I was not healthy enough for the trampoline, even I knew that. I had been feeling off all day long and I knew I probably should take it easy. "Are you sure they are out of town for the week?" I asked her, looking for an excuse to get out of it.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Please, I should know, Clare, I'm watching their cat. They won't be home for another week. So what do you say?"

I looked outside, not wanting to tell her no. I didn't want her to worry about me. Plus, I hadn't gone on a trampoline in forever. I would just be sure to be very careful. "What the hell, sure."

Farrah smiled widely at me then, together. We ran out the back to our neighbor's house and pulled ourselves onto the trampoline. As I jumped with Farrah, I felt like such a rebel. Once again, I felt like I was taking something back for myself and I couldn't help but get excited about it.