say something | l.s.

- Chapter 34 -

I put my both hands on the table and stand up. I don’t need to stay here and hear this from him so I grab my bag and quickly walk away from there. I hear Liam calling from me and I think he even tries to follow me but Zayn stops him.

Zayn just made me feel worst. He doesn’t need to remind me that this is all my fault, I’ve been fighting with that fact this past weeks, why reminding me? I know I’m stupid and, fuck, I feel like punching a wall right now. I’m so angry, sad and mad that I don’t even know how to handle this, how to keep supporting this. I just want this to end because is starting to make me sick. It’s too much really.

So this time I reach the dorm and the anger and tiredness take care over me, helping me to actually fall asleep just to wake up at 5am. I think I might have dreamt about something good, but I can’t remember the dream.

~*~

The good of these two weeks was that they passed quickly and I don’t even know how since I spent more than half of the time in the dorm doing nothing. It’s Monday now and I’m laid down on his bed – of fucking course – playing with the necklace I gave him. But I’m actually smiling, moving it on top of my face and looking carefully at the airplane.

-

“It’s like my tattoo, you see?” I roll up the sleeves and point at it so he takes his eyes from the necklace and looks at my arm. “You don’t like it? It’s too cheesy isn’t it? I knew it!” I beginning to panic “But Gemma said you liked these kind of things and I also knew you had some necklaces so I had this idea, but if you don’t like-“

“Lou!” he might have shouted my name, but I think I’m talking too loud and quickly to pay attention to him so easily. “Lou, calm down,” he chuckles and I take a deep breath. “Jeez, I loved it!” he smiles and his voice sounds happy “I really loved it, I mean it makes me feel… special!” he slowly leans over to me but I notice he’s hesitating because he moves from my lips to my cheek and places there a soft kiss. “From now on,” he puts the necklace around his neck “I’ll always be using it.” He grins. “Thank you so much!"

-

That’s why I am smiling. That night was so special for me, not because it was Christmas, nor my birthday but because I spent it with him and it was the best gift he could have given to me. We also kissed and it was so soft and passionate.

But then my smile drops. He said he would never take the necklace so why do I have it here in my hands? Right. It’s his way to say that he really gave up, his way to make me believe it. A part of me really wants him to forget about me, no better, that he have already forgot about me so he can be all right… but of course the other part wants him to keep fighting, wants him to knock at the door to solve things. He always tries to solve things why this time is being different? Why doesn’t he simply come here to talk, I’d listen to him and I’d want him back. I want him back.

My thoughts are interrupted by a strong knock at the door. I quickly stand up from the bed. I know it’s him, it only can be him… please “Louis open the god damn door!” It’s not him. It’s... Niall?

I frown “Niall?” I don’t think he hears me, I’m almost whispering. I also don’t want to open the door. He seems mad and I know he comes here to talk and that’s the last thing I want to. I don’t want to talk with anybody unless with him.

“I know you’re there, open it!” I never heard Niall talking like that, it’s not loud it’s just harsh. Harsher than the time we fought on the Halloween party. “We need to talk”

“No we don’t. Go away!” he even made me stand up from bed

“I’m not going away until you open this door. Enough Louis.” Enough, yeah it’s enough really but I just don’t know how to stop this. I know Niall made up with him. And I’m glad because I know Niall is there for him, he is probably staying at his dorm so the most probable is Niall coming here to shout at me and telling me things like Zayn. Or worst because Niall and I can be really good friends – or were I don’t know – but he when it touches this subject I think he might hates me. “Louis!” he knocks strongly at the door. Niall can be stubborn and I have this slightly idea that he’s really not going away until we talk. And the noise is really annoying me.