Don't Whistle Past the Graveyard

Do I Have Your Attention?

At this point, you're probably thinking that my story's not as bad as I made it out to be in the beginning.

And that's fair. So far, the only bad things to have happened are a little girl zombie, and a maybe not so awesome decision on my part that ended up with me learning just how much lidocaine rocks. Especially when you don't have it. 

Admittedly, the first few weeks weren't that bad. I mean, it was getting colder, zombies were frickin' everywhere and food was sometimes hard to come by but, for the most part, it was pretty smooth sailing.

But that's to be expected right? I mean, shit had hit the fan, but humanity didn't immediately jump right on off into the deep end of the crazy pool.

At least, I don't think they did. Shane made sure we avoided people pretty religiously so I've only got our later experiences and other people's stories of the beginning to go off of.

The trouble with an apocalypse, though, is that people die. Lots of people, very quickly. Then, you're eventually left with three basic kinds of people, give or take. Those kinds of people are:

1.) The lucky ones

2.) The well trained and/or prepared ones

3.) And finally the crazy as shit, ruthless ones.

And two of the three can be a substantial problem when you run into them.

My point with the beginning of this story is that, first, it's stupid to start in the middle. My second point is that I wanted to show you that I was just like you, once upon a time.

Yeah, just like you. I didn't know the rules. I made stupid mistakes. I didn't know how to live.

And yes, I meant to say live, not just survive. Surviving is necessary for living, but that doesn't make them the same thing.

I've changed, that's what I'm trying to show you. Because, God willing, you'll change too. I'm trying to give you a freaking road map here.

Now you're looking at me like I'm crazy again. I guess you're wondering why you'd want to be like me.

The answer is simple: You want to live. 

At least, I think you do, otherwise why would you be sitting here listening to me?

I get it. You and your people do not like the way we get things done. But the truth of the matter is that we've made it this far because of who we are. Because of who we've become.

And we've lost a lot less than most.

You, on the other hand. You've lost basically nothing, which is why you look at us the way you do. You can sense or see our missing pieces, and it makes you uncomfortable.

Wait. Stop. Stop. I know you've lost people, and I know how hard that is.

What I mean is that, somehow, you've managed to lose almost nothing of that person who was around before the end. I'm not sure how, but you have. You're still fully you. The difference between you and me, is that you're not a ghost of that person from before.

Of course, I just prefer to think of who I am now as the more pure version of Raleigh. But, that falls in with what I've said before: We know we've got missing pieces.

Anyway, I thought I'd just give you a heads up.

What comes next is, well, the rest of my story more than explains why we are the way we are now.

If, by looking at us, you don't think you can handle that, then just bail out now. I don't want to waste my time if you're just going to punk out.

No? Okay. But you don't get to go back.

That's another rule by the way. Rule #15: You don't get to go back.

As serious as that rule sounds, it was actually inspired by something that's a little bit funny. Well, Shane thinks it's funny. Me, not so much.

When we were running from the zombies, when I got Kyle trapped? Later, I realized I'd left the hoodie Shane had given me in that house. That actually upset me more than anything. I'd kind of loved that hoodie. Couldn't go back to get it of course.

It's okay to laugh. It's funny. But it leads to a really important thought.

You don't get to go back.

What you learn. What you do. Those things change you. Permanently.

Anyway. We had wandered across the state line into Pennsylvania when things got more interesting than us just scrounging for food.

I think it was sometime in October, or maybe early November. By then, days had started blurring together, and the only thing that mattered as far as time went was getting to someplace relatively safe before it got dark.

Remember how Shane had said, 'at the core, people are bad?'

Well, I eventually got my first lesson in that.

This is me, giving you one more chance to walk away.