the diary | hummels/lewandowski

30

a/n: if I were to write a new story, in which the main character/player is rather rugged and always angry/closed off, would you rather it be with Marco (Reus) or Mats? Or a different player? I have an idea that I want to start working on but the issue is that the aforementioned (and Lewandowski) are the only players I find myself attracted to enough to write about, however I also already have stories with all of them in it and I feel like you guys are kind of bored with that. Anyways lol let me know! message me or comment :)

Also. How are 90+ people reading each chapter but only like 10 or 11 people are pressing the button and voting 😂 I won't be like those writers that threaten to stop writing or whatever, but just keep in mind that writers spend literal hours writing each chapter (when they could be doing something else), and when only 10% percent of the people reading the work are voting or showing appreciation for it, it's kinda discouraging. That being said I still like writing this story and thank the other 90% of you guys for at least reading it. But if there's any feedback you have, it would be much appreciated! Anyways, here's a nice and long (albeit really sad) chapter for all :)

//

A month passed. Carina began to use an electric wheelchair to get around, since her arms weren't healed enough for her to use crutches. She thought the chair was fun. The hospital became her second home; everyone was familiar with her. She was probably known most for being an emotional wreck—on some days she shone brighter than the sun with happiness, and others, she was sad and overcast.

The therapist issued an official diagnosis for Carina's emotional instability: Borderline Personality Disorder. It was, according to the internet, a "serious mental illness" that had to do with the "inability to manage emotions effectively". She had to take medications for it in the morning and night, and pain medications for her injuries as well, which were healing slowly but surely. All of the pills turned her into somewhat of a zombie; causing her to be disoriented and confused all of the time. She couldn't keep a thought for more than five minutes, and rarely ever had meaningful conversations with her visitors, because it hurt her to think.

On this particular day it was lightly snowing outside. Carina wanted to go out to the gardens, but Luke, her nurse, told her it wouldn't be ideal. Valentine's day was soon. Carina wasn't expecting anything from anyone, really. Mats only came once or so a week. He'd left his job teaching at St. Theresa's, so it wasn't like that was an excuse for his lack of visiting her. Carina understood, but that didn't change the fact that she was frightened of abandonment. She had already lost Robert, and Lucy could never leave campus.

To Mats visiting her was dreadful, because as aforementioned, she could never really talk, and he couldn't touch her either. This left him to listen to her pain in silence while he wandered around the gardens with her. And the gardens, too, eventually bored him to death.

One thing Carina could do, however, was write. She wrote poems every day. They were short, sweet, and beautiful; sometimes awfully sad. That was her way of dealing with the pain, through poetry. Giovanna marveled over them. Hermann liked them, too. Hermann came with Giovanna to see Carina more often than his own son did, and he was supposed to be the one that loved her. Maybe Mats was mad at Carina because Giovanna was ruining his parents' marriage. That wouldn't be unreasonable. But it wasn't like that was her fault.

Carina placed her hands on the glass window, staring at the skyline. Munich really was beautiful in the winter. She squinted, spotting a huge red circle in the distance. Then, she thought—the Allianz! Robert! The last time she had talked to him was on New Year's Day, when he told her about how he was going to leave St. Theresa's to start playing with Bayern. Since then, he had become popular extremely quick. A wonderkid, people called him. He always played the full 90 minutes. She tried to watch his games whenever she could. There must've been one going on right now.