the diary | hummels/lewandowski

4

There was a party last night—at a nightclub in the city. I didn't want to go, but everyone else insisted that I, for once, just try to live life in the moment. I realized that they were right. A year ago I had everything planned and then everything collapsed. I now know my life next year this time is going to be something I can't even imagine. So I will plan weekly, do fun things daily and breathe freely. I will eat tons of pastries and I will create. I will not invite negativity to stay in my life.

I don't know how I ended up in Claudio's room. I think after a while, being around someone so opposite, so positively infuriating, becomes addicting. I stopped being aloof and started being fun because, truly, the things that mattered we saw eye-to-eye. I was enthralled with his drive to have money and move up in the world, and he was entranced with my inability to do anything but tell stories and create art. We were bored with the loud party and the obnoxious, drunk people that surrounded us.

He loved to listen and I loved to talk, and after a while, I guess he figured the only way to stop my endless stream of consciousness was a kiss. And that kiss, it took my breath away. It wasn't until hours later, as he softly snored next to me, that I caught my breath again. I realized then, lying next to him, that silence wasn't so bad. For the first time, I was comfortable without words. It was nice just to hear each other breathing as two opposites somehow fit together, drifting to sleep in his perfectly sized bed. I wished I could sleep forever in that moment—but, as always, I had to wake up. When you don't wake up, that's when you know it's truly the end of everything...but will you live the dream that you are dreaming forever, too?

Or what if it's a nightmare?

//

Carina had intended to do her work in her room—but the moment she entered it, she spotted the red leather diary poking out from under her pillow, and froze. Would Valentina really have sat in her room, all holed up, while a party was taking place?

Quickly, she changed into a casual white tube top she'd snagged from Lucy's drawer and went downstairs, where the party was in full swing. She was surprised to see that a bunch of high school students were throwing something like this—it seemed like all crazy sorts of things were going on.

She thought about the few movies she'd seen in her lifetime about teenagers and partying. What did they do? Drink, was the first thing that came to mind. Carina only really liked wine. But this was Germany, and all she saw in the kitchen were tons of buckets filled with beer. Okay, she thought. So I'll dance. This was something she felt confident in her ability to do—Carina loved to dance.

Like a natural, she made her way to Lucy, who was already dancing to the fast-paced music with Julia. Lucy quickly beckoned Carina forth. Carina had never heard the song that blasted throughout the stereos, but she had rhythm. Before she knew it, she was attracting all sorts of male attention because of the way she moved; and envy from all kinds of girls.

It was only a matter of time before she felt a pair of hands on her waist, and a body that was obviously much larger and built than hers press itself against her frame. If there was anything she knew better than to do, it was looking up to see who it was—she didn't want to ruin the moment. It was ruined all too soon, however, as he whispered in her ear.

"I said I'd find you. Can we go somewhere else?" Robert ran his hands down her sides. "Where we can be alone?"

Carina closed her eyes. She didn't wish to get herself into trouble. "Robert," She muttered, "Why are you touching me like this?" Carefully, she placed her hand on top of his. Robert smirked.

"Because," He declared, "You want me to."

Carina snorted. "I'm sure that's what you'd like to think, Robert. What do you want from me?"