One Heartbeat to Another.

Chapter Ten: Memories

[A/N: PLEASE do not play the song until it is time. You'll see later in the chapter.]

I sit up on my bed crying quietly but profusely. 'It's been so long since I thought about her, about the whole situation.' I think as I wipe my tears in an attempt to calm down. I glance over at the clock again, 4:30 AM it read.  I had time to shower this morning and put on my fake smile once more. 'Okay Hibiki, you can do this. It's Friday, the last day, then you can spend the weekend recovering. Rinse wash and repeat, just like always.' I slowly slide myself off of my bed and towards my closet. I pick my attire and phone then proceed to go into my bathroom. After a quick check of my notifications, I open my music list. "Let's try to see if music could help me in this moment." I mutter out loud, wrapped around in my own thoughts and feelings. After putting my clothes close by, turning on the hot water and undressing, I click play.

[Song Starts - King ByLauren Aquilina]

After placing myself underneath the shower head and letting the hot water soak my body for a bit, I listen to the music like normal. I tense up for a moment after barely hearing the first few keys, 'Out of all songs, of course I'd get this one. The one I listened to for hours upon end after. . .' I shake my head to get the thought out of my head the best I could as I squeeze some shampoo into my hand, then proceed to soap up my hair. "C'mon, just focus on the shower Hibiki. Focus, focus, focus. It's all just a bad memory." I say to myself, gritting my teeth as the music continues. The memory came to me more vividly than when I was dreaming, replaying each time I tried to get it out of my head. I grab my soap with haste and scrub everywhere, wanting to finish faster and faster as it continued to play. 'It happened, I'm over it. I know I am, I haven't thought about it since school started. So why now? Why when that stupid. . . thing told me about it?' I wash off the soap but freeze as the song plays.  [You've got it all, you lost your mind in the sound.] "Shut up, shut up I don't want to hear this again." I say, but knowing that it was hopeless. This was going to play till the end, and I had to endure it. I grab onto my hair a bit and tugged, the song and memories flooding my head. "No, I know I've changed. I've changed so that it wouldn't happen ever again. I changed for the better, for myself and everyone around me!" I whisper-yell at myself. I begin to shake and cry more. "I-I know I'm better off alone. I know-" I choke on my own words and cry into my hands as the hot water continued to pour on me. 'I gotta get out of here.' [There's no logic in your sadness. . .]

I turn off the shower head and dry off with my towel, trying my best to block the song out of my ears. As I looked up into the mirror, however, I see something staring back at me. My younger self, to be exact. I know it  was probably my mind, an illusion, but I could see the tears flowing, the same ones that were falling on my face now. I recall this scene, I was leaning against some metal bars at school, covering my face as I cry to keep anyone from seeing. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone in that moment. At least, that's how I was on the surface. But deep down. . . 'Someone, help me please. This hurts, this hurts so much. Mom? Dad?! Anyone, just please don't leave me alone. I'm  so, so afraid.' The thought came to me just like it was fresh, my tears going into overdrive. Only this time, something happened that was different. A gentle voice came from behind my younger self as they put a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" My younger self jumps a bit before looking behind him and croaks out something I don't recall ever saying in my past, "I- I'm hurting, please just. . . I need a hug right now. Can you do that for me?" I twitch a bit and as I see a face I thought I never saw till late my freshmen year, It was. . 'Gwen?' In that moment, my tears stopped flowing as the mirror began to clear up and instead I was flooded with a strange feeling in my heart, a feeling of curiosity. [Put all your faults to bed, you can be king again. . .]