You murder my heart!

Time to heal....

~ Marshall's POV ~

It's been 1 week since Tina's accident and I'd spend every minute possible beside her, only when her mom and sister were with her, I reluctantly left the room.

They'd arrived after 2 hours of me sitting in her room and crying to myself and I was utterly surprised how Rita had greeted me. She'd told me how happy she was that I was here and that I shouldn't give up on her, especially now that we'd lost our son.
My wife had woken up the next day and needless to say that she was terribly sad when the doc had told her that our son was dead. She'd cried her heart out for 2 days straight and it broke me to see her like this.

Meanwhile Paul had found out what had happened to her and believe me I'd lost it completely. She'd stopped at a red light and the driver behind her was way too fast; and also was writing a text message, couldn't step on the breaks for that fact and crashed into her car. Due to the impact, her car had been pushed into a truck which was standing in front of her. I honestly could be happy that she wasn't dead. Instantly I'd Paul call my lawyers, to make sure that the motherfucker who'd injured my wife so badly and killed my son, would rot in prison.

What really had surprised me was how much my wife wanted me around her the whole time, she was constantly holding my hand and when she'd felt strong enough to sit up, she'd wanted me; for the first time in all these months, that I'd sit down on her bed and hold her in my arms. I can't describe the feeling when I'd slowly wrapped my arms around her and she'd placed her head on my chest, it was a mixture of overjoyed, desperation and indescribable sadness. And today was the day she was allowed to go home.....

Her mother and sister had decided that they would stay here as long as she could barely move, but to be honest, I wanted to take her home with me. I'd already taken care that Camelia, the nurse I'd hired while she had cancer, would be there and now I only had to talk to my wife.
As always during the past week I'd slept in her hospital room and when her fam had arrived in the morning I'd went home, showered, changed my clothes and drove right back to the hospital.  On my way I'd called Royce; who was in charge at the Label till I came back and asked if everything was alright, then I called my girls to give them a short heads up about Tina's condition and after them I called Ashley.

I'd walked down the corridor towards her room, greeted Mitch in front of the door and then knocked and stepped in. Instantly her eyes found mine and a small smile appeared on her face.
"You're up." I stated while I walked over to her and hugged her, though I definitely wanted to kiss her so badly.
"I am. You good?" She asked me and I released her and nodded.
"How are you today? Any pain?"
"No. The prof will be here soon for the last check up and then I can hopefully go home." She stated and unwillingly I got sad. "Marshall, are you okay?" She asked me while she pulled lightly on the hem of my t-shirt and I smiled at her and nodded, I didn't want to bother her. I would ask her later.

20 minutes later Professor Michaelson walked into the room, together with 2 other doctors and asked me, her mother and sister to wait outside.
"Can I talk to you two 'bout something?" I asked them while we stood in the corridor and they nodded. "Look, I don't know what ya think 'bout this, but..." I stopped shortly and bowed my head when a few people walked past us and then continued, "I'd really like to take her home with me." I ended, but immediately went on when I'd seen how they were looking at each other. "For sure you can stay with us as long as you want and I've already hired Camelia to take care of her..."

That won't convince them to say yes, dumbfuck! Tell 'em why you really want her with you.....

"I understand if you don't want me around her after what I've done to her, but I love her more than ever before. I've almost lost my wife, both of us have lost our child, I just wanna be there for her." I waited anxiously for anyone of them to answer and then suddenly Rita pulled me in a hug.
"Marshall, what do you think why my daughter still hasn't filed for divorce?" She asked me after she'd released me and I shrugged. "She never gave up the hope that you'll finally change and you could have a new start. What you've done to her was terrible and I despise you for that, but I could see that you two love each other and you've to overcome a loss now. Together! So if Tina is okay with it, then we are too." I nodded and smiled a little and then Moni went on.
"Listen, you fucked up big time..." she looked at her mom and added, "sorry, I know, language...," then she looked back at me and went on, "and I've no clue how she can still love you, but she does. So please, grow up and keep it in your pants and stop hurting her." Her mother and I stared equally shocked at her and she shrugged nonchalantly. "Got it?" She asked for confirmation and I nodded. And thankfully professor Michaelson walked out of Tina's room towards us.
"Mister Mathers, your wife is doing well enough to be released today." He informed me and I nodded. "We've already advised her to come over next week for a check up and that she should only move if it's really necessary. I wish you two all the best." He ended and after I'd shaken his hand and thanked him, he walked off and Rita and Ramona ushered me into my wifes room to talk to her.

"I'm allowed to go home." She said with a smile when I'd walked in and closed the door behind me.
"I know, I talked to the doc." I answered her and sat down on her bed. "Tina, I wanna ask you somethin'..." I started insecure and she looked at me with her beautiful eyes. "I'd like to take you home with me." I said straight out and I could see she was surprised, so I quickly went on. "I just wanna take care of you, you know. I wanna make sure that you've got everything you need and that you're safe. I don't think I've to tell ya that I love you and you're still my wife and we've lost our baby..." I'd started rambling like an idiot and Tina stopped me by leaning a little forward and grabbing my hand.
"Marshall..." I took a deep breath and prepared myself for her answer.
"Take me home!"

3 hours later I'd carried my wife over the doorstep of my; hopefully soon again our, home and layed her down on the couch so she could rest.
Rita and Ramona had followed us in Tina's other car and were now getting situated in the guest house, while I'd went into the kitchen where Maria was talking to Camelia. I'd told both of them that my wife was sleeping a little bit and then I called my daughters. For sure they'd said that they would come over later to visit her and every try to hold them back was useless.

Tina had slept for more than 4 hours and we all had decided to let her skip lunch. She was still weak and that our son hadn't survived the crash and the sadness about it, added to her condition. I was also terribly sad about it, he would've been my only son, my second biological child, but I'd sworn myself to be strong and keep it together for my wife. She needed me now more than ever before and I'd given her my word, that I would fix everything within my power.

"Hey Dad..." Hailie greeted me quietly after I'd opened the front door for her and Laney and had quickly hugged them. "Where's she?"
"In the living room, she's still asleep." I answered and then nodded towards the kitchen. "Rita and Moni are in the kitchen, c'mon let's say hi." While my daughters went to greet my mother and sister in law, I'd went silently into the living room to look after my wife and was surprised to see her being awake.
"Hey..." I said softly and kneeled down on the ground in front of her. "Slept well?" I asked on and she nodded.
"I'm sorry, Marshall..." she said out of the blue and I knitted my eyebrows together and instantly took her hand carefully in mine.
"Tina, I don't know why you should apologize for anything." I stated and the first tears escaped her eyes, which I quickly and softly brushed away with the thumb of my free hand.
"If I would've been more careful, if I...." her voice trailed off in a sob and I stood on my feet, pulled her carefully up, sat down and wrapped my arms tightly around her. "He could still be alive...." she sobbed out and hid her face in the crook of my neck while I held her tight.
"Gorgeous, this is not your fault, do you understand?!" I whispered and she shrugged. "It's horrible that we've lost him, but...." I closed my eyes and remembered the second I'd heard that she'd been in a car accident.
"But?" She asked me and had lifted her head to look at me.
"He was my own, my flesh and blood and I've never had the chance to meet him..." I stopped because she had bowed her head and I placed my fingertips under her chin to get her eyes back up to look at me. "But I've met you and you're the one I can't live without! Tina I would've died right on the spot if I'd lost you forever." I admitted and she closed her eyes and took a shaky breath.

"I love you!" She whispered and that second my heart wanted to explode. "I love you and all you ever did was hurting me. Why do we always have to suffer before you realize that you did something wrong?!" She had went on and I couldn't stand looking at her anymore, so I bowed my head. "Look at me and please give me an answer." She said softly, but I couldn't. I've never felt more ashamed than at this very moment because everything she'd said was true. I'd send her through hell countless times. It was always her who suffered the most under my lies, infidelity and stupid mistakes and still she loved me and believed in me. "Marshall I need an answer, because I need you. But I can't go through all of that again in a few months...." to that I raised my head and looked at her and she placed her hand softly on my cheek. "I need my husband now, I need the man I believe and know you can be. Please don't leave me alone!"

I swear she could kill me with her words...

"I won't, I swear I won't!" I said with an indescribable pain clamping on my heart and she let her hand glide down from my face to my chest and leaned her head on my shoulder. I'd had countless intimate moments with her in our relationship, but this outbeat every single one easily. "Do I have a chance to get my wife back?" I asked her silently when I'd leaned my cheek against her forehead and she took a deep breath before she answered.
"Your wife was never gone, I only needed time to heal!"