Lovely Obsession

Root of Obsession

It all started in second grade.

People, mainly adults, say in childhood, it's easy to make friends. I guess there was some individual differences. I was one of them. Probably it was because of my personality. I isolated, I was just anti-social. Didn't talk, didn't express myself in anyway. Some would say I was scared... That's sort of true.

I was in kinder when I met Sophie, I just barely made it on the first day, hell, the first year. Okay, I didn't "meet" her, but I noticed her. I'm sure she didn't notice me at the time. At that time, I'm sure everyone noticed her.

In recess, we had tricycles, four of them. We had to get in line to ride them. Once Sophie was done, she ran across the small field and threw the bike in a bush. She wanted to go to the bathroom, and didn't want anyone to get it while she was gone. That was her plan - throw it in a bush.

In class time, we were in groups of color. Red, blue, purple, green, yellow, and orange. When the teacher was teaching, we had to sit in our color rows. We would occasionally switch, but most kids never got to be in every color. Sophie was not happy with that. She threw a complete temper tantrum and started crying about how she wanted to be in the Purple group.

We also shared the class with first graders. A long, tall curtain was in the middle of the class, separating the two grades. Two teachers, they would switch during half the school time. Again, Sophie didn't like this. We had did roll call to find that Sophie was absent. Of course, we paid it no mind, until we heard laughing in the first grade area. The teacher entered our area with a pouting Sophie. She had tried to sneak in with the big kids.

She was just really weird and unpredictable.

She had a friend, Juliet. They seemed really close, they would play tag, and on the last day of school, they both hugged and hugged and their parents took tons of pictures of them.

While I was sitting against the building, all alone. When that person finally found me, we left without a word.

And then first grade came.

I was put into the same class as her again. Once we got started, she would look around all wide eyed, like something was out of place. As soon as break started, she would walk around and ask everyone the same question.

"Where's Juliet?"

Every response was similar, "Who?" "With Romeo." "I think the book is over there." "Ask the teacher." "Different class?" The rest were generic. The other few, including mine, were, "I don't know."

She was gone. It upset Sophie a lot. I don't recall Juliet ever saying she would never be back. What made it even worse was Juliet's parting words, "See you next year!"

Damn.

So, Sophie became like me. She was cast off, a loner, a freak. People started to find all the things wrong with her. The only difference was that I didn't care about being alone. Sophie? She obviously cared lots.

Although, that girl could play alone for hours and days and years. At Recess, she would literally run back and forth on a high lane - like she was playing with an imaginary friend. 

She was delusional. It's like she had mild, beginning stages of Schizophrenia. Actually, it turned out, she just had a great imagination. She would always draw, make her own world, wish her world was real. 

That didn't change it, though. It didn't change how people thought of her. She was delusional, a freak, everyone said. 

Another year passed, we were in second grade. And, again, I was in the same class as her.

That's when he came. Tristan. He would play tag, hide and seek with Sophie and the rest of his friends. They both would hide behind a pillar and giggle and giggle. Sophie always followed him while playing, and he didn't seem to care. It was obvious that Sophie had a little kid crush on him.

But one day, Tristan just... Drifted away from her. 

Sophie was obviously crushed. That's when she made it. The decision that changed me, that changed both of us.


The swings were all taken again. I was never able to run fast enough, and avoid all the shoving. So, I sat on the grass, right in front of the sand lot. I couldn't make anything, the sand was just dry grains.

Suddenly, a pair of strapped shoes were in front of me.

I looked up, and there she was. When she noticed she had my full attention, she frowned, "Hey," She said, "Come play tag with me."

My face was full of confusion.

Already, she seemed to have lost her patience. With a glare, she leaned down towards me. I swore my life flashed before my eyes when she grabbed my shirt's collar. Her grip was tight as she pulled me up - practically choking me. The back of my neck stung.

"Tag!" She bellowed, angered, "Let's play tag!" As soon as she let go of me, I slumped down. I grabbed the back of my neck, panting from the shock. "Tag!" She slapped my arm, causing me to jump. She turned and ran off. I just sat there, still confused and horrified.

Sophie took notice that I wasn't following her. She skidded to a stop and whipped around to look at me, with a sour scowl, "I said..." She stomped over, "TAG!"

I was so stupid. It had just finally clicked.

She was hurt from Tristan rejecting and drifting away from her. So, now she was looking for a replacement. I was it.

I don't know how much time passed, with me just sitting there. But it must have been pretty long. To Sophie, at least.

Because she started quivering. She bit her shaking bottom lip, her cheeks reddening, and her eyes moistening. Crying. The girl was about to cry.

I didn't want to deal with a crying girl - not one bit. So, I jumped to my feet. After wiping my bottom and knees, I charged at her.

Goddamn, I was so close to catching her. But, she quickly caught on and shrieked, running off like a bolt. "Hey-!" My eyes narrowed, and I immediately ran right after her, "Hey, wait!" I was clearly stupid - oblivious to the rules of tag.

She ran fast. I mean, I always saw that while she was playing with Tristan, but she felt much faster now that it was me who was chasing her. I leaped forward, nearly falling in the process. I reached quick, and managed to grab her hood. She skidded to a stop. My breath was heavy, despite not running for even twenty seconds. 

"Tag!" I huffed out.

She turned to me, her eyes narrowing. "N - No!" She cried out, "You just grabbed my hood! That's cheating! You cheater! You have to actually catch up with me! Cheater, cheater!"

Just as I gaped in disbelief, she turned and bolted off. I didn't want to run after her. She had made me lose my breath in just a fifteen second run.

Still, I ran.

I couldn't catch up with her - I just couldn't. We ran across the field, and I guess Sophie got an idea. She steered to the left suddenly, running across the basketball court, and towards the restrooms.

Again, by occasionally watching her and Tristan play tag, I knew what she was up to.

"You can't-!"  I cried out, practically tripping when we reached the pavement high near the restrooms, "You can't go in there! That's cheating!"

I was surprised she listened to me - for she steered away from the restrooms.

I really had no clue what she planned to do. It was just two players, so it would just be a game of running and running. I was not athletic enough for that - I already felt like I was dying.

I caught up with her and smacked her arm. There was no time to say "tag", right when I touched her, Sophie swung around. My heart shot up to my throat, I almost screamed. 

We kept running and running, I was it way more than Sophie - she was beyond fast. 

By the end of it, we ended up in the field again. Outside of the gate leading to the plains, there was a tree, nearly against our gate. Our field sloped down slightly at the curve of the gate. We rested there, under the shade, resting. Although, our stomachs hurt from how much we were laughing. 

"Ah, there's no one this far." I noticed, wiping my eye, "Are we - hey, are we allowed back here?"

"No." Sophie grinned, giggling, "Who cares? We'll just hide, okay? Yeah, yeah, we'll hide! No one will ever find us while we're here!" She clapped with a grin. "Hey, hey." She rolled onto her stomach and smiled at me, "This is our tree - our place now, okay? Only we can come here. Our special place!" She rose her hand, her pinkie up, "Pinkie swear."

I stared at her for a long time. Finally, a smile spread across my face. I intertwined my pinkie with hers, and shook.

The bell rung. 

We both walked back to class together, grinning and laughing. Even during class, she would glance back and smile at me. I smiled back.

School ended. When we piled out the classroom, Sophie jumped up to me, "We'll play tomorrow," She said, "Okay? If I forget, remind me!" She ran off, "Bye!"

I slowly waved. My smile was gone. I tried to keep it, but I failed.

While slowly running, Sophie turned over her shoulder to give me one last smile.

That smile... That innocent, beautiful smile... Will always be plastered to my eyes.



We never played.

I had the worst of luck. Worst. The next day that morning, she had befriended a group of girls. Esmeralda, Brenda, and Diana. Brenda, mostly. 

When recess started, I went to our spot. 

She never came.

I waited for the next two weeks.

She never came.

I waited for the year.

She never came. 

I waited for four years.

She. Never. Ever. Came.

I never approached her. She was always surrounded by her friends. Day by day, she became more open and, well, popular. It's like she had this huge light inside of her, trying to break free. And it finally escaped.

I wanted to shove the light back in it's prison. Better yet, get rid of it completely.

I always watched after her. Watching her in class daily, yes. Watching her at lunch, yes. Watching her at Recess, YES. It was much easier there. I brought binoculars - really good ones, too. I spied on her.

She was in those groups of people. Guys chasing girls, girls chasing guys. Of course, Sophie's method would be to hide in the restroom. The guys got this idea after her, and hid in theirs. Sophie grabbed rocks and sand and threw it in there.

She was always smiling. Her smiling face is precious. Although, mainly when it's my smile.

No. It WAS my smile. Her smiles, her tears, everything. It's all mine.

We went into middle school then. The elementary school shut down. Now it's just a building, waiting to be destroyed. 

I kept watching over her. People say middle school is when shit starts. Mainly embarrassing things, and then when high school would come, you're in for hell. College, confusion. So, I kept protecting her. I kept watching her in the shadows.

The light was starting to hide back into it's cage.

She was back into a loner. No friends anymore - they were all gone. Although, she didn't seem to care anymore. If anything, I think she preferred to be alone. The light was hiding, hiding. It was caged, it was just hiding.

She was shy. Beyond shy and awkward.

That was good, in a way. No one was taking her away from me. She rejected them, drifted away from them. Yes, Sophie, good girl.

A year later, it was eighth grade. We both had Computer Science, I sat in the row behind her. I was guessing she was good with computers. She typed fast, knew how to work it, the programs. So, she always finished her work. When she was done, she would text.

My vision had went downhill in seventh grade. I quickly got an appointment from the eye doctor to get some glasses. I had to watch my precious Sophie, bad vision would change that. So, I got glasses, now had 20/20 with them. I was able to see her now. I was able to see her...

So, I saw her texting.

It was to her Mother. "I'm walking home today.", Sophie had said. My eyes had widened slightly upon seeing that text.

After school, I followed her. 

I made sure to keep a far distance. I didn't want her to get suspicious. It was a forty minute walk, and when I saw Sophie take a turn into a neighborhood, I quickened my pace. I didn't want to lose her. 

When I made into the streets, I sighed in immense relief to see her. I look a look around. Decent, one story houses. Not small, not big. My guess was that most of the houses here had only three rooms, four at it's highest.

Sophie had both of her parents, an older brother by six years, and an older sister by two years. Sophie had her own room, as did her sister. Their garage was cut greatly, creating her brother's room.

I still kept a large distance, occasionally squatting in front of a car to hide. She made a turn, and I went after her. I skidded to a stop at the corner, and stepped back. I peeked out from a fence. 

Sophie was at the house, the house that owned the fence I was hiding behind. She pulled out a key from her back pocket, turned it in the door's lock, opened it, and stepped inside. The door shut, leaving me in utter emptiness. 

I knew where Sophie lived. This was a step closer to protecting what's mine. Watching and protecting her in school wasn't enough...


I learned something that day - mainly night, where I was able to roam around in there.

Sophie was pretty tidy and clean. Sure, there was some clothes here and there, but everything was placed nicely. She had lots of pictures, hanged up, taped, in frames. Seriously. 

They were all familiar. Her friends back in late elementary school years. Her friends from the neighborhood. Her family. School pictures - all the class. I notice myself in there. Naturally.

One picture surely caught my eye. Pinned to a board, it was the picture she took with Juliet in kindergarten.

So, she really does remember that girl.

Does that mean she remembers me?

I also learned how adorable she looked while she slept. Strands of her caramel colored hair lay all about the pillow. Her eyes were peacefully shut. 

Poor girl was shivering. The window was already open to begin with. I shut it, but I guess she was still cold. 

It took a lot of will power to keep myself from sleeping with her.

I pulled her blanket higher to her face, covering her drool-stained, pursed lips.

That was the first day of my full-on stalking. It became a major addiction. I learned so much about her, so, so much.

She didn't eat all her three meals a day. There was food, she just didn't eat it. What was wrong? Was she turning anorexic? I didn't want her to feel all insecure, I didn't want her to starve.

This began to really worry and bother me. So, I whipped up some frosted cookies, eight of them in a container.

I had to approach her. I had to. Had to, had to, had to, had to.

Oh God, I already felt on fire.


I couldn't do it. Not fully.

A sticky note was pinned to the container. It read, "Sophie, I made some extra and decided to give them to you. You don't eat at lunch, right?"

A clear lie. I just didn't want her to know that I, or anyone for that matter, was watching her and suddenly gave food. I realized how bad that was. She would get onto her desk and find the container there. She'd think it was poisoned.

The teacher was out in the hall. I was the first there, and I quickly dropped the container on her chair. Five more people came in, and my heart leapt when I saw Sophie. Still smiling from exchanging greetings from the teacher, she walked to the middle of the room to her seat and-

Her surprised face is so cute.

"... Huh?" She looked around, "Did - wha...?" About everyone looked at her in question. She picked up the container to show it to everyone, "Did someone leave this...?"

"Oh!" A boy grinned and turned to her, "Is that cookies? Give them to me!"

"N-No, but..." She pulled off the sticky note, and everyone, including those walking in, were watching with interest, "It's for me. Did someone put this here?"

"Uh," A girl who had walked in pointed at me, "Blake," She said, "Aren't you always here first?"

I'm surprised these people know my name. Sophie looked over her shoulder at me, causing my heart to pound. I nodded to the girl.

"Did you leave this here?" She asked, and I shook my head, trying my best to create a confused look. "Did you see someone put it here?" I shook my head again.

The girl and Sophie exchanged confused looks. The girl walked over to Sophie, "What does the note say?" She asked. Sophie handed it to her, her body shaking. "Uhm," The girl began to read aloud, causing Sophie to cry out in embarrassment. 

Everyone was looking around, trying to find an answer.

"Mrs.Wagner," A boy called out, causing the teacher to peek inside the class, "Someone left something for Sophie. Was it there before?"

"Huh?" She blinked, "No, I don't...? You're my first class, I don't have a zero period."

It became the school mystery for weeks.

"Sophie!" People would say, "Is that from your secret admirer?"

I'm more than that.

I caught her. I caught her eating it during lunch. She kept it, she ate it. Sophie, you are way too trusting and gullible.

High school came along. The great stress, the over-mounding work, all of it. 

Sophie had her sister, Brooke, though they only shared Snack together, a mere eight minute break. 

Sophie ran to her sister as soon as Snack started. She was practically wailing, "I'm scared, I'm scar-"

"Don't be a wuss." Brooke said, "Wussy freshmen are immediate targets,"

"I - I thought that was for freshman who think they're all that." Sophie said.

I agree. It's already after second period, and already I've seen a freshman say, "The upper classmen suck." You could guess how that ended. He got punched out during passing period.

"Well, that too." Brooke shrugged, "Still. People are gonna mess with you, watch."

Ah, don't worry, my precious Sophie. I'll never let anyone hurt you.


Despite the fact that I don't do anything, I became a target. I have good grades, straight A's. I don't talk in class, don't talk, period. I think that might be the reason why. I don't respond or react, so I guess they like that, in a way.

People say, "Ignore them, they'll get bored." No. They don't. I don't react at all, and they keep doing it.

Funny, how there are lies like that.


I was so happy for my little Sophie.

She stayed out of situations, and never let herself get hurt. She was careful and smart. And just... Her.

I smiled over my shoulder to her sleeping form. In my hands held her scrapbook of pictures. She liked keeping pictures. She had once said, "They're memories. I can never forget something if a photo is taken of it. That, and they make me remember it more. I love them."

And I love you. The pictures I take of you daily make me love you so much more. Speaking of which, I need more scrapbooks. I'm running out of room for the pictures.