Leaves -Joshler✔️

(20) Mistakes

A/N thank you for 200 reads it means the world :)

I end up falling asleep on the concrete outside of Tyler's friends house. He saw me in bed with someone else, how would I ever make it up to him? He took the car home and its too far away for me to walk.

A bird lands next to me, pecking at my nose and waking me up. I thrash forwards, realizing that the sun hasn't even come up yet. I need to get to Tyler.

I go into the garage of Dallon's home, and hop into his car. Thank god for leaving the keys on the floor next to you car am I right?

I hop into the car and see the dashboard reads 4:03 AM. I slam my foot on to the gas and drive as fast as I possibly can towards Tyler's house. Speed limit blah blah. I cant even call it our house now, He'll kick me out and Ill have to move again. He won't want to be with me now, hell I wouldn't want to be with me after what I've done. Why did I cheat? I don't even have an excuse for it. I don't even remember most of it, I make horrible drunk decisions.

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I pull into the driveway, the clock now reading 4:10 AM. I run up to the door and its unlocked, man have I been having so much luck today with things being unlocked. But thats besides the point, I need to find Tyler and prove to him that I didn't mean what I did and that the random person meant nothing to me.

I run upstairs and into Tyler's room to see a note on his bed, its addressed to me. strange, why would he write me something- my thoughts are interrupted when my eyes flicker over to the on-suite bathroom, to see Tyler on the floor witha blood pouring, literally pouring out of his body. I cover my mouth with my hands, and yell. What the hell have I done. I grab the phone and go over to Tyler, trying to stop some of the bleeding with the hand towels, but they're just absorbing and not helping at all. He cut too goddamn deep.

"911, whats your emergency?"

I feel like I cant speak, I'm shaking. I might pass out but I cant, I need Tyler to stay alive.

"H-help m-my b-b-b-boyfriend t-tri-tried killing h-himself oh god please come now he's dying please please please"

"We're sending an ambulance over now, may I ask you to please apply as much pressure on the wounds as possible? Also please put me on speaker phone so I can ask some questions as we wait for the ambulance. Is that okay sir?"

"y-y-yes you-youre on speaker"

"Okay lets start with what are your names?"

"I'm josh and my boyfriend is Tyler"

"Okay do you have any idea why he would want to do this to himself? Did you have any role in his decision?"

"Earlier this night he saw me drunk with someone in bed, but I cant even remember who it was. I passed out and came home to find Tyler on the floor bleeding and oh my god this is real"

"The ambulance has already arrived, I do not have any more questions for you. Good luck to you and your boyfriend, Josh"

She didn't sound sincere at all, the love of my life is bleeding out and I'm watching him die and all she can say is good luck?

The paramedics come rushing up the stairs and the world around me becomes fuzzy. Either it was all the booze I had chugged just hours before, or I'm just not able to comprehend whats really happening right now. Most likely all of the above.

I turn my attention to the paramedics, they put ty onto the stretcher and rush him down into the ambulance.

I end up right next to Tyler, looking into his closed eyes. He's not very alive, nor is he dead.

I can't help but continue to beat myself up over this. I did this all because I didn't know what I was doing. I went to a party, which I don't do usually, and acted like someone so different from myself that I now understand what effect alcohol truly has on me.

I put my hand in my pocket, feeling a crunch. I pull out the sheet and see a piece of paper. It's the suicide note. I never finished reading it, so here we go.

Dear Josh,

Tonight I realized that I'm not good enough for you. That I'll never be good enough for you. Im a damaged person Josh, and you know this. You cheated on me and its my fault. I want to tell you that I love you Joshua, and you've truly broken my heart tonight. I know you were drunk and you didn't know what was happening, but please don't use that with me, okay? Im leaving now because you deserve to be set free. You deserve to live your life without me holding you back. I want my parents to know that I love them, and mom, this is not your fault. This is my decision. Blurry will finally be gone forever and I can have eternal peace. For the first Time I will be undisturbed.

Iv'e never said goodbye to you, because goodbye means the end. But now, its the end.

So goodbye Joshua, and you're welcome. Have a nice life, I love you

Tyler Robert Joseph

I feel a hot tear fall slowly down my cheek as I fold the paper back up and place it into my pocket.

I feel the paper crumple again as it sits at the bottom of my jacket, then turning my attention back to Tyler

I look into his eyes, my thoughts then merging with the blaring sirens surrounding me. Make them
Stop.

A/N okay yea yea it's okay 1000 words but next chapter will be longer like the last few so stay with me