Where the Heart Lies

Move to New York??

“He chose Columbia.”I yelped-I was hoping for that but I tried not to pressure him. 

“Yea he did but let him tell you-I didn’t say anything. What’s going on Rach-your in love but you look like your in pain too.”

“I am-before I explain it-just remember you love me and well that you love me.”

“Ok I’ll remember, but out with it already.”

“I’m not in love with Caleb-I’m in love with someone else. It was an accident I promise-it just happened. One minute I’m just there and nothing and the next I can’t get him out my head. I tried so hard to convince myself otherwise but it wasn’t working-and then Lucy said that ‘my heart already made the decision’ I just needed my head to catch up and I see that if I hadn’t heard that I wouldn’t have gone down there and put my heart on the table-and I do mean that literally here.”

I tried to read Ella’s face-and I could see she was having some trouble processing my confession. “Ella??” I asked “Are you with me?”

“Ok-first question is it Ross?”

“No-I told you before.”

“Ok-ok. Then what the hell is going on-your in love with someone else-do I know him?”

“Yea kinda…ish-you’ve seen him once…” she took a minute to process.

“No…no…no…Rachelle are you insane.” I knew then she figured it out. “I knew it-the way he looked at you that night-it was not normal.” 

I didn’t know what to say-I knew that night she saw the way he looked at me-like man torn, the longing looks we both shared, as though he wanted to take me way from all this mess.

“Yes. I know…I know its crazy but…”

“When did this start?” she raised her hand cutting me off.

“Well the first time I met him-there was an attraction-but nothing much. It wasn’t until after the kidnapping that I really started to feel something.”

“Kidnapping?!?”

“Simple misunderstanding-we made a deal and I wasn’t holding up my end. I had forgotten that part-and so we had dinner but that’s all he wanted; and I got drunk and then we slept together-but really just sleeping-I promise.”

“Huh huh….and then what happened?”

“I couldn’t tell you LaLa…things just changed and I found myself wanting him-yo see him, feel him-you know its like you said when it happens you can’t control it.”

She didn’t say anything for a while-I hoped that she could understand-I sat there dreading her next words.

“You know despite the fact that you being in love with Eric being completely insane-but I can’t believe you kept all this from me so long. Its been over two months since you’ve met him. And you have been seeing Caleb too?”

“Ok-that’s where things got complicated-I broke it off with Eric-see we got into a fight-before he even found out how I felt. But he was just angry and confused about everything just as I was. But everything became clear for him and least he could see how much I did care for him, when he found me with the gun ready to shoot Max.” I looked at Ella’s face to see her expression. Surprisingly she is taking this well- I half expected her to be standing on the coffee table telling me that ‘I’m stark, raving mad.’ 

“Max-that thug we met that night-you shot him?” she furrowed her eyebrows.

“Well no-I missed on purpose-I was just angry. It was while he was kicking me out I realized how much I loved him-and I was furious and Max just got in the way.”

“Ok-so Max doesn’t like what’s going with you two.” she asked.

“Yeah-don’t see how it’s any of his business-but trust me he’s asking for it LaLa. Anyways, this morning you knew what happened with that shoot-out it was all over the news. Well despite how things were going so well with Caleb-I needed to go see if he was ok. It wasn’t the smartest idea I know-but I felt so compelled to go-I couldn’t say no.”

I told her about what Lee said, and then how that only confused me more and when I was stuck in the elevator with him and saw the heart I threw away that day. I knew I was in trouble at that point-I kept the one he gave me too-I didn’t look at it much only because every time I did it only hurt-but I always had it close to me. 

“You really love him...huh.?”

“He threw me out of his house. And then I spent two months with Caleb having a wonderful time. And all it took was one kiss, and thirty seconds in the elevator with him to realized I couldn’t and didn’t want to live without him.”

 “I can’t believe this is how you feel and I’m just finding out-forget everything else-that is my real problem.”

“Whatever-I mean come on you haven’t been a saint either-I know about him.”

“What are you talking about?” she began to look guilty.

“Give it up Ella-I know you’ve been seeing someone. Pretty slick trying to hide him in plain sight-pretending like your just going out on different dates-when it’s just one guy.”

“You knew? When?” 

“I’ve know for while now-I just don’t know who he is.”

“Ok so I haven’t been so honest with you-but actually I had planned on coming clean with you today; anyways forget that what you going on is definitely more major.”

“I know, believe me I know. And now Caleb wants me to move to NY-I can’t do that. I already have to be quiet with my relationship with Eric-you know for safety. So I hardly have the chance to really give us a shot. And I can’t move in with Caleb with these feelings I have for Eric.”

“Wait does Eric know about Caleb?”

“I don’t know-I never said anything but I get the feeling maybe he already knows.”

“So what are you gonna do now?”

“What? You can ask me that question LaLa-cause you’re the one who is suppose to have the answer.”

“Honestly I got nothing.” 

“I know-it’s a lot to process.” 

“I got one idea.”

“What? Anything will do.”

“Find out how long Eric thinks this quiet relationship will need to be. Then take some time-and spend it with Caleb in NY-see how just being around him makes you feel away from Eric. Maybe your feelings for Caleb will grow.”

“But wont that just make things worse.” I groaned.

“Look you wanted my advice-I just gave it. I can’t pretend like I’m thrilled about you dating Eric-but you obviously care for him- but you also feel something for Caleb and you owe it to him to give him a fair chance-without Eric in the way.”

“Ok. You have a valid point. I will go to NY for trial period and if living with Caleb doesn’t work out-then maybe that will make the break-up process easier.”

“Wait you can’t go with the intention to break-up with him-you’re going to see if you can be just as happy with Caleb too.” 

She was right but the thought of leaving Eric actually hurt-much less to go and shack up with another man. “I know, your right. I got to talk to Eric and tell him that I need to leave town then.” I said. “Will you cover for me tonight?” 

“Huh-what am I suppose to say?” 

“I don’t know-tell him I was really upset about the whole him wanting me to get up and move to NY. And I need some space to think.”

“Ok that sounds good-I’ll use that. Where are you gonna go?” 

“It’s better I don’t tell you-but I will be back don’t worry.” I  grabbed my keys and headed for the door. “And tell Ross to hurry and tell me the good news-we need to celebrate.”