New Years passed, and a few months of school passed until there was only a few days until Easter break. Orvar and I were as strong as could be but I was beginning to notice Blaze more. Every little thing he did seemed to grab my attention.
First, it was when he told Lucy off and quit hanging out with her. Of course, he didn't come running back to me or anything. I wasn't expecting him to and I wasn't wanting him to either. I had Orvar. The second time I noticed Blaze more was when he managed to pull Maggie and Dover away from Lucy. I hadn't talked to them for a while and they never made an effort to talk to me either. So it was rocky at first, but it got better and easier.
Lucy was slowing losing her control on everyone and she wasn't happy about it. She tried coming after me but I had my friends back and I was more powerful than ever just because of that. But Blaze still sat by himself at lunch and wandered the halls by himself. I was too scared to go up to him because I had been pretty rotten to him for a while. I think he was beating himself up about everything.
I feel like if I knew more of my past lives and what Blaze was really like, everything would be so much easier. It just frustrated me so much that I didn't know anything but I knew I should know something. It was both confusing and frustrating. I got angry and scared and sad and lonely all in one shot every time I thought about Blaze.
It was three days until Easter break. I was at lunch and I was in my own world as all my friends had a conversation going on around me. I was watching Blaze by himself. I still liked Orvar, but I was starting to care about Blaze as well. Maybe I always did but it wasn't until now that I realized it. I was always letting the fear of my dreams coming true take over me. It was time I put that fear to rest.
I stood up quickly, much to the surprise of all my friends. My mind was made. My hands began to sweat but I was forcing myself to do it. I couldn't back out now. I vaguely heard everyone asking where I was going but my heart was pounding in my throat and I was afraid if I spoke I would vomit my whole breakfast in front of everyone. I began to become more aware of my heart as it was all I could hear. The closer I got to him the higher in my throat my heart got. I started to sweat more and I was sure by the time I reached him I would smell like I hadn't showered in days.
Finally, I stood behind him, staring down at his messy hair. He turned to face me as he sensed someone watching him. I tried talking, failed, swallowed the lump in my throat, then tried again. Nothing would come out and his beautiful purple and brown and blue and green eyes stared at me without really seeing me. I wanted him to see me.
I didn't want to be some toy. When Damien came back to school, everyone flocked to him. His story was told so many times it was exaggerated and only seemed to make him hot headed and full of himself. At first he insisted that I be by his side so I was always attached to his hip. But then he kind of...forgot to include me in his little world. Not that I cared, there was something different with him and I didn't like it.
I came back to reality. Blaze was staring at me and saying my name. Why was he saying my name? Oh, that's right. I came to talk to him but now I'm just standing in front of him like a doofus. But my voice still would not work. He was still looking at me but it was like he wasn't seeing me. So, instead of talking like I had intended, I took a few steps forward, closing the distance between us, and stood as far up on my tiptoes as I could, and crashed my lips to his.
He hesitated a moment, no doubt aware of where we were at, but I didn't care. He started to kiss me back and that was all I cared about. There were some obnoxious whistles but I still didn't care. This was right. This is what it felt like to be put perfectly together like a puzzle. Blaze was the last piece I needed.
When I pulled away, he was finally looking at me. Not through me, not to the side of me, not at some girl behind me. He was looking at me. The intensity in his gaze was enough to make me blush. He brushed a stray hair behind my ear and smiled a little.
"I'm so happy you're back."
He laughed and pulled me in for a hug, crushing me to his body. I hugged him so hard I was shaking. Nothing had changed in my mind. I knew no more than I had a few months ago, but I didn't know any less either. What changed was the way I looked at things. I no longer looked at Blaze as a monster. I looked at him as an opportunity. An opportunity for me to change.
