Fragile // Sequel to Torn

79 |

Chris:

The plane lands as the sun sets above the runway; a good start to a new life. My heart beats fast as the plane rolls towards the airport, a million things beginning to rush through my head. I just left Ethan and Jakob. How am I going to live without them? Will we still stay friends or will we drift apart? Can I make new friends? What are the fans in Melbourne going to say to me when they see me? The fans. I left In Stereo. Will I ever go back to my singing career? Could I do it without the boys? They always said I'd be the only one able to manage solo but I don't think I can. Will Melika get sick of me singing? What happens if the baby grows up to not like music? Can I handle that? Will Melika and I stay together that long? Does she even love me? Are Chris and Ethan happy or sad I'm gone? Did they ever like me or were they waiting for this day?

"Excuse me sir, I can't get my bag until you get yours." the voice of an elderly man breaks through my thoughts.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." I instantly snap back to reality, rushing to reach up and grab my bag from the overhead compartment.

When I walk off the plane and into the airport, I look everywhere for Melika but I can't find her. Maybe she's late. I make my own way to collect my luggage and switch on my phone, ready to tell her where I am. That's when I get a message.

Melika: babe the babysitter cancelled and I can't leave home. I'm really sorry but it'd be great if you could catch the train home. I'm so so so Chris ill make it up to you xxxxx

My heart falls. I was already on the edge, now I have to make it another 2 hours train ride home without falling apart. I try and push all negative thoughts aside and wait for my bags. I see a guitar case come around on the belt and at first I think it's mine, but then the crushing weight comes as I remember I gave it away to Jake. Maybe I should call him. Would Ethan have read the note by now? Probably. I press the call button and put my phone to my ear. It rings and rings and rings... but no answer. I try again with the same outcome. I guess I'm alone.

--

The train finally pulls into the station close to 9pm. I groggily stand up from my seat and force my cramped legs to carry me out onto the platform. My dampened mood is instantly lifted as I see them: Melika and Tyler. She's wearing black jeans and a white t-shirt, Tyler wrapped in a grey baby sling around her torso. We both wrap each other in as good of an embrace as we can with a baby in between us.

"I'm so sorry, Chris, tonight was just a complete mess." Melika apologises quickly, sounding very stressed.

"Hey, it's okay; I'm here now, aren't I?" I comfort her. "Now, isn't it passed this little one's bed time?"

"He napped this afternoon," she giggles, "but as soon as we get home it's time for bed."

It's only a five minute drive home which I spend messaging Ethan on every form of social media I have, only to receive no reply. I try not to think about it; maybe he just needs time? But I need him, and he should know that after reading the truth I wrote for him. I'm trying not to regret this, but I just haven't gotten off to a good start.

--

"I'm so sorry I have to ask this, but just to be clear, how old is Tyler now?" I ask, sitting down on the couch.

"He's 13 months." Melika laughs.

"I'm sorry, I'm just... I don't know." I trail off, not knowing how to word what I'm thinking.

"Just what? It's okay, you're allowed to be overwhelmed."

"It's just sort of now hitting me that I'm acting as a father now." I admit, staring at the carpet.

"Chris, look at me," Melika uses one finger to tilt my chin towards her. I stare at her features; olive skin, brown hair, thick eyebrows and dark brown eyes. She's beautiful. "When we talked about you moving in with me, I made it clear I didn't just want you here because of my baby. I love you, and like I have already said, this is something you and I will work out together. I know it's a huge change for you, but I want you to know how much I appreciate and admire you for giving up a huge chapter of your life to start a new one. You're so fucking strong, and that's why I fell in love with you, Christopher Lanzon. We can do this together."

"Oh, I love you." I sigh, pressing my lips to hers. My hand cups her face as my fingertips rest in her soft hair.

"For now, this is all you need to know: Tyler has just moved on to baby food. His favourites are peas and apricot. He's incredibly loving and cuddly, but if you ever take his hat off his head, he'll scream and cry for minutes - he likes having a warm head. Tyler wakes up at 7:30 every morning, naps at 2pm until 3pm - the babysitter takes care of that - and his bed time is 8pm. He loves walks except avoid any big dogs or seagulls. The rest all you need to do is ask or you'll figure out on your own. I know it seems overwhelming but now he's sleeping more, I promise it's a lot easier than when you last took care of him." Melika explains to me. I'm not sure if this has made things better or worse. Am I ready for this? I'm only 18.

Later that night I can't sleep. Melika went to bed, but now it's 11pm and I'm nowhere near the mindset I need for sleep. Surprisingly, Tyler isn't what's on my mind now; it's Ethan. Where is he? Why won't he talk to me. I don't want to go through Jakob because he might feel like I'm using him, or would prefer to talk to Ethan. There's a horrible crushing feeling in my chest, and it gets so bad I have to silently slide out of bed without waking Melika and exit the bedroom.

The knot in my chest is tightening more and more, the lump in my throat growing bigger. Then the tears come; big, fat, salty tears I haven't cried in so long. I feel so alone, this feels so wrong. This isn't where I'm supposed to be. My friends never wanted me, I know that now because it's been 5 hours since I got off that plane, and I haven't received one call. I feel so stupid; I gave Jakob my guitar! That was the hardest thing to part with, but I thought he was my best friend; I thought he loved me. Ethan is worse; I poured my heart out onto the pages I gave him, and even though I asked for reassurance, I haven't heard a word. I understand that I might not hear from Jakob for a bit because I know that's just what he's like, but Ethan... he would never do this to me. Or at least, he never used to. My knees give way and I fall to the floor, gripping onto the kitchen table for support. I let myself cry, providing relief from the pain inside of me. I'm not loved. Was I ever loved? I hear my phone go off in the next room, deciding I need something to get my mind off of this anyway. My heart lifts.

Ethan: check the door.