Fragile // Sequel to Torn

54. |

// Jakob's point of view //

Sitting by George's bed, I've never missed Ethan more. George is sleeping but I can't bring myself to leave the room. I can't go home; Dad would get angry. I don't see how he could possibly have the nerve to do so after he kept basically the biggest secret ever away from me. How could my own parents not tell me that my brother has cancer? I don't understand. And with that thought in my head, I start to cry. I know at any second Mum and Dad will come back from the cafeteria and I'll have to act like this isn't bothering me as much as it is. I shouldn't have hidden anything when I first found out; now I feel like I have to keep up my act. It just hurts so much.

"Just go." I hear a voice. It's George.

"Oh, you're awake." I observe, sitting up a bit. His tired eyes are looking at me, his head still rested on the pillow.

"Just go home, there's no point in you being here while I sleep." He says again.

"It's either here or our house; Dad won't let me go back to the band house." I explain quietly, resting my hand on George's arm.

"Why not?"

"He doesn't want me spending as much time with Ethan." I force a half hearted smile, like the thought of Dad stopping me from seeing him isn't destroying me.

"Don't let Dad do stuff like that, okay? He's upset and he isn't thinking straight." George whispers, trying his best to smile back at me.

"Yeah, but-" I start but he cuts me off.

"I wanted to tell you, for the record."

"Why didn't you?" I have to ask. I'm trying my best to not sound accusing because I know it's not his fault.

"Because I'm just so tired, Jake, I'm so tired and I have no energy to argue. They said they didn't want to tell you because you had enough going on. You were dealing with Ethan and your own problems and they didn't want to make you any worse." He explains. This doesn't help one bit.

"But you're my brother!" I accidentally forget to hide my accusation. "I'm sorry."

"Don't do that." George suddenly snaps, but it sounded weak.

"Do what?"

"Treat me differently just because I'm sick. You can get mad at me like any normal day, okay?"

"Okay."

There's no way I'm leaving this hospital until George does. I can't risk any more information being held from me, so I have to hear it for myself. He's clearly allowed to go home at certain times during his treatment because he was home the other week. Im not even sure how much Mum and Dad stay here. They've been home at times George hasn't, but it's usually only Mum. Maybe Dad stays here? I can't stop thinking about what would have happened if George died and I never knew he had cancer. I never would have said goodbye; I never would have been able to prepare myself. That's when it hits me: this is exactly how Ethan felt with Kade.

•••

// Ethan's point of view //

I lay on the lounge room floor with Chris, a game controller in my hand. I'm trying my best to keep up with the rest of my team but I keep dying, keep getting too distracted. I'm tired but I can't sleep. That's why we're up at 2am anyway- because I couldn't sleep. Chris pauses the game and looks at me with a look I know I'm supposed to be reading. When I don't say anything, he speaks.

"What are you doing, Man? If you're that tired, you need to go to bed."

"I can't sleep." I snap, instantly regretting it.

"Want to watch a movie, then? Do you want to talk?" Chris offers.

"My head is so full I literally think it's going to explode." I groan, not even sure what I'm saying.

"Let some of it out and reduce the pressure, then." He tells me. I stay silent for a few seconds, crawling up onto the couch. I pull a blanket over myself and cross my legs.

"I'm scared that Jakob's Dad will stop Jakob from seeing me. If that happens, it won't just affect us, Chris, it will affect the band. Fuck, I just... I need this band and I need to keep making music otherwise I don't know what to do with myself, y'know?" I let out, already feeling a bit better.

"I do know," Chris smiles half heartedly, moving to sit on the couch with me. "But Jakob is old enough now to make his own decisions. Legally, he can do what he wants, okay? And I know he wants to see you and he wants to stay in this band. All he has to do is stick up for himself."

"But he won't! He'll stay quiet and let himself be pushed around until it's too late and he just snaps. Then he'll get really angry and probably end up hurting someone. He tries to act tough but I know he's just scared inside. I try to help him with whatever he's scared of but he never lets me in. It's like he's embarrassed to not be strong all the time or something." I lower my voice at the end with a shrug. I've never said any of this out loud before.

"Look, Ethan, stop worrying about Jakob. Nothing is going to happen to him." He says. 

"You don't know that."

"He's at the hospital, dude; if something does go wrong, he's fine. It's going to be okay." Chris explains. That actually does help a lot.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, please go to bed. I can't believe I'm making you stay up and listen to my stupid worries." My mood suddenly changes completely. A wave of guilt rushes over me as I actually look at his eyes and see how tired they are.

"No, I want to stay up with you."

"But you're so tired." I protest.

"So are you." He shoots back. Fair call.

"So a movie it is, then?" I try.

"A movie it is."