Roommates

61. Aftermath

Previously...
"What does "yeah" mean? Yeah, I'm right? Or yeah, you do love me?"

She hesitates and then says what I never wanted to hear.

"I don't love you, Finn."

The slam of the door behind me feels like a stab in my heart as I fall to the floor on both my knees.

***
JUST TO NOTE, THERE ARE SOME BITS WITH STRONG LANGUAGE IN THIS PART. THEY AREN'T IN PARTICULAR PLACES, JUST LITTLE BITS THROUGHOUT THE PART. SO PLEASE BE AWARE IF YOU ARE YOUNGER. :)

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Rachel's POV
As I slam the door behind me, it hits me, what I've just done. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to say that. I wanted to say yes, but... something in my body stopped me.

What am I going to do now?

I can't go back in there and say I didn't mean it – he won't want me now. He hates me. I've just broken his heart.

I grab onto myself, my top, my skirt, trying to stop myself from falling, but my whole body hits the ground and I can't get up. I cry and I cry, waiting for Finn to open the door and pull me back in and take care of me.

But then I realise I'm crying silently, no tears are even coming out. I've lost it. I've lost myself. I've lost Finn.

I push my hands against the floor to get myself up again and I stumble. I need to get to Santana's. But it's way too early. I'm not even ready. I can't get ready... my things are in the dorm. Crap.

Santana won't mind, right? She'll understand.
I run down the hall, leaning on the wall as I go so I don't fall again.

I reach her dorm after a marathon against myself, and knock on the door ferociously until it opens.
"Ra—"
"San, I've fucked up. I-I've fucked up so bad."

Finn's POV
After getting up off my knees, all I can do is just stand and look around at the empty dorm before my eyes. I remember last time this kind of thing happened: Natasha was texting me and I was stupid enough to make it seem like a bigger deal than it was when I didn't tell Rachel. It's always my fault when she storms out.

But maybe this time she won't come back at all.

But she has to. This is still our— her dorm.
What happens when she does?
What am I supposed to say?

I slowly walk over to the sofa and just let my body go to fall back on it. I lay down into the cushion closest to me and cry.

Last time she got this mad at me, she— fuck. No, I can't just not let her talk to me.

For god's sake, Sam.

No, it's my fault. I did it. Not him.

It's always my fault when she storms out.

She's probably gone to Santana's again. She was headed there later anyway. She didn't have time to get ready. I wonder if she's crying. Maybe she's totally fine.
She didn't look like she had much emotion towards me.

*

Santana's POV
"It was such a surprise, I didn't know how to react! A-And his face... he looked so happy and hopeful. I've ruined it!" Rachel sobs into my arms as we sit on the couch.