Lonely Road (being rewritten)

Blog 9

Hello Beautiful Readers,

Logan is trying to set me up on a blind date. The guy lives in Georgia and supposedly is a real charmer. Unfortunately for him I don't find any men charming anymore. They are all the same in some aspects of their personality. I have dated plenty of guys in my life...actually just three. However they were all the same. You have the asshole who comes off as a cute 'little' puppy. Then you have the gentleman, the one who promises not to be like your ex, but ends up hurting you just like he did. Lastly you have the big cocky jock who is really sweet when you get to know him, but an asshole around his friends. No matter what difference they each have all of them end up being assholes.

Boy's are besides the point. The important thing is that today when I went to go see Dr. Rebecca she said that I have been depression and suicide free for almost three years. After my big accident in High School and then again when I turned twenty. I finally got the help I needed, but three years later I'm supposedly fixed. However I'm still broken, I'm still lying and I will never be able to trust again. I blame him for giving me trust issues. I blame my mother for never loving me the way all the other mothers loved their children. Most importantly I blame myself for believing that one person could love someone so much that all of their pain would disappear. Sometimes I wish I would have died that night Caleb raped me, but I didn't.

*04/29/11*

The room is dark and isolated. Nobody can be seen but voices can be heard. I open my mouth to scream for help, but no sound comes out. I try again. Nothing. I can hear multiple voices around me, but none of them sound familiar.

"Anastasia, i'm here baby," voice number one chokes out a sob.

"You don't know it yet, but I love you Ana" voice number two whispers in my ear. That's when the yelling starts to happen. The voices in my head become louder and louder. Their words become muffled and I'm back to feeling alone.

In the corner of the dark room I can see a hint of light. Curiosity gets the better of me and I walk towards it. The closer I get the bigger the glow. I see what looks like a red curtain trying to hide the bright light. I rip the curtain back and the light blinds me. My eyes start to feel heavy and my head starts to pound.

"She's awake," my dad yells. "Somebody go get the nurse," he demands.

The weights that were keeping my eyelids closed shut disappeared out of thin air. I flutter my eyes rapidly trying to get use to the lights in the hospital. The walls around me are pure white and the sound of my heart monitor floats around the room. A tall girl in pale blue scrubs comes into my room.

"Good Morning Miss. Anastasia, I am Dr. Liken, do you know where you are?" she asks softly. I nodded my head yes. She scribbles something down on her clipboard quickly, but she makes sure to give me a reassuring smile.

"Well Anastasia, your cuts are extremely deep, and you lost a lot of blood," she explains.

"We are going to keep you here for a 24 hour suicide watch, and in the morning another doctor is going to come talk to you about seeing a therapist and getting you the help that you need," I scoff at this. The only help I need is for him to go away. If he wasn't in my life this would have never happened. If he didn't ruin my innocence I would not feel so alone all of the time.

Dr. Liken checks my viles and a couple of other things before leaving the room. She has informed all of my visitors that only one or two is allowed in at a time. She doesn't want them to overwhelm me. Right now I am sitting in this hospital room all alone. I know Dad and Dylan are going to be the first two people in this room. They are overly protective of me, their little princess.