Lonely Road (being rewritten)

Blog 7

Dear Beautiful People,

I don't understand why life hates me, and I don't understand why people think it's okay to fuck me over, but they do. You know what sucks the most? I will let them fuck me over again and again because that is the type of person I am. You would think I would learn after being hurt so many times before, but I don't. Call me pathetic all you want to, but I can't help but to let the people I love walk all over me. Dr. Rebecca told me today that I need to cut ties with all of the toxic energy in my life. You want to know what I think? I think I will cut ties. I've been thinking and I mean really thinking. I need to get out of this town, I have been stuck here all of my life. I finish college this semester with my best friend Sara, so why don't I just move? I could go to Texas or even meet Logan and her boyfriend in Georgia. Anywhere far away from California.

Another thing Dr. Rebecca told me is that I am finally starting to let somethings about my past go and just leave them where they belong. In the past. She said it may take awhile for me to fully let go of the traumatic experience that happened to me in my teenage years, but she believes these stupid blogs are helping. I feel like a helpless little girl again, whining over her boyfriend, but I can do it all day if it will help me past it. Last time I told you guys about how my little date with Caleb turned into a horrible disaster. Although he officially never made it into my pants that day. He did try to pressure me into things I didn't want to do. Even though I ran out of the house and away from him. I still wandered back into his life days later. I would text him asking if he wanted to hangout and he would tell me that he was too busy or that he was sick and didn't want to get me sick. The excuses were repetitive and endless. Until one day I had enough and I went over there for myself and this is what I found...

*02/07/11*

Last night Jack stayed over my house again, because we were watching the new live action Beauty and the Beast movie till four this morning. This has started to become a basic routine for him and I. I go to school during the day and do homework with Dylan at night. On the weekends I go out with Logan, Andrew and Jack and then Jack and I or Logan and I crash at my house.

I rolled over onto my side so I can see Jack's ugly ass face...Just kidding it is beautiful. I take my hand and softly place it on his cheek before pulling back and giving him a not so gentle slap. A deep groan comes out of his throat and he quickly flips onto his other side. Lucky for me because this boy was already on the edge of the bed. A loud thud is heard and I try to swallow back a laugh. My body shakes as I try to hold it in, but I let the deep laugh rip through my lungs. I fall onto my back, clutching both of my side with my hands. The laughs are just flowing out of my mouth like the string of cuss words coming out of Jack's. He doesn't say anything when he crawls back into bed. A big grin covers most of his face. Uh oh. With one giant shove my tiny body goes flying in the air. Omph.

I grumble a not so very nice response to Jack before pushing myself up and off the floor. I march towards the bathroom and jump in the shower for a quick wash. Once I am done with that I stroll out of my bathroom with a towel wrapped tightly around my body. Jack is laying on my bed still but this time he is playing with a Rubik's cube. I stifled a laugh and proceed with caution towards my closet. Quickly I threw on a pair of light washed high wasted jeans and a cute white off the shoulder top. My hair lays against my bare shoulders. The cold wet water from my hair sends shivers up and down my spine. I shake it off and comb through my hair with my personal comb, also known as my fingers. Once I am satisfied with how I look, I strut out of the closet.

Jack hoots and hollers at my dramatic entrance. "The beautiful, perfect, new model Ana Michelson" Jack cheers while standing on my bed. I clutch the sides of my stomach from laughing so hard at my best friend. God I love him. I grab his strong hands and yank him off the bed. He lands on his ass with a thud. My cheeks heat up quickly and my lip swells from biting it so hard. I try to suppress my laughter but I can't do it anymore. The giggles flow out of me like a perfect melody waiting to be played.