Jack of Hearts [Are you Alice?]

03

I had an interesting talk with the Queen tonight. It was quite strange, if I am honest.

The 88th Alice died yesterday, and I think the Queen was slightly depressed by that fact. He would never tell me so or show any of it, but after long years at his side, I can easily recognize his emotions through his mask.

Why was he sad?

That, I do not know. I think he's slowly getting sick of this world, just as I am. But there is no escape. If only Alice would complete the game...

We were in the dining room, after supper. The Queen ordered the maid to leave him alone, which he rarely does. After getting a bottle of wine and glasses, he served himself a glass of deep wine before motioning me to sit down.

I lifted an eyebrow but did not comment and sat down. He served me a glass and pushed it towards me. I didn't really know how to react. It was rare that the Queen shared his food and drink with anyone. I didn't remember the last time we sat at a table together.

"Jack, you can speak if you wish," said the Queen before taking a sip of wine.

I didn't answer and drank as well. I didn't have anything to say. Even if I knew that these moments of freedom were rare, I had to measure my words before I spoke.

"So another Alice had died, huh..." he looked dreamily out the window, towards his kingdom laid out in front of him. "Funny, but I had thought she'd make it. She was a lot like Alice."

"...Me too," I answered slowly.

The Queen didn't react, so I sighed of relief. I could finally talk freely. These moments were very rare. Only when he felt lonely did he tell me to speak.

"Are you going to punish the Cat?" I asked, glancing at my Queen.

He was extremely beautiful, in the soft light of the sunset. The little hearts on his cheek were highlighted by the light and his features looked softer. He looked almost nice and gentle. But I knew how deadly he truly was.

"No. He knows his role. Everything happened according to the rules," he finally said after a moment of silence.

I took another sip of wine. It was pretty good, as everything was in the castle.

"What now?" I dared to ask.

"...Now we wait. For another Alice. One that can finally complete this game."

"And after that? What shall happen?"

The Queen looked back towards me with a glare.

"Enough."

I closed my lips and glanced at the landscape. There was truly no escape from this world. This world I had dreamt of... Or so had said the White Rabbit.

And that was all. He didn't say anything else and I did not dare speak. After all... I was to remain silent. As always. We drank in silence, both of us thoughtful.

I did catch him glancing at me a few times. He seemed to be wishing to ask me something, but each time, his lips stretched in a smiled instead of opening to let out his voice.

The Queen nodded and finished his glass. "I wish..." he said softly, face hidden behind one of his hands. The rest of his words got lost.

When I finished my drink, I pulled out a small notebook and the pen I always had in my pockets.

Is everything all right?

"Yes, Jack... It's fine." He smiled to me, but his lie was as clear as day. I frowned. The Queen didn't continue.

When he finished drinking another glass, I accompanied him to his room. The maids helped his change while I waited on the other side of the wooden screen. When they were done, they all left except one, who assured the Queen's security during the night.

Can I take my leave? I wrote on my notebook.

"...Yes." He avoided my eyes and brushed away a bang of his hair that was hiding one of his eyes.

Do you want me to stay? I wrote as I was a step away from leaving. I don't why I asked that, but it seemed right at the moment.

"No. Good night, Jack."

His back was turned to me. I couldn't see his face. I couldn't know if he was all right. But I am only a guard, aren't I? Only the Jack of Hearts...

Yet... There was one thing I could do.

"...Good night," I whispered.

The Queen did not move nor react. But it was fine. I turned away and left the room, going to my own chambers to eat before going to bed.

As I'm writing this, I'm still wondering what the hell was going on with the Queen. He wasn't usually so open. And I was also wondering what the hell was wrong with me...

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. Chances are, I won't be able to speak for a few months, until he dares to let me talk again. I probably ruined my chance by those two daring words I pronounced of my own free will.

And the White Rabbit still hasn't found another Alice...

Two words gone. Eight to go.

- Jack of Hearts