CHAPTER 37: "you made her in your image whether you like it or not"

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I ran to him and helped him up picking up some weapons and running to the closet cave we could find which was in Azgeda territory

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I ran to him and helped him up picking up some weapons and running to the closet cave we could find which was in Azgeda territory. Once I placed him down I began a fire and placed the dagger over it.

"Is it deep?" I asked him gruffly.

"Well I'm bleeding, so might want to hurry up." He demanded.

"If it's deep you'll need stiches." I yelled at him angrily.

"No it's not fucking deep. Just stop the bleeding." He demanded and I grabbed the dagger which was now a burning red and I slapped it on his stomach causing him to yell in pain and I then threw the dagger away.

"You happy now? We're even" I shouted turning away from him.

"You still can't kill without hating yourself can you?" Halcyon spat as I kept thinking about the deaths I'd caused.

"I'm the wamplei gona, what does it matter?" I bitterly questioned.

"Because how you feel after you kill someone lets you know what kinds of human you are. And you are a fragile human. You are supposed to be strong, kill or be killed Ensis." He shouted at me scolding me as if he was my father. He was nothing more than a monster that raised me.

"Is that why you named me Ensis? It means sword, it is violent, danger, treachery, and pretty much everything harmful. Is that what you wanted me to turn out like?" I demanded to know angrily.

"No. I gave you that name because the sword is justice, courage and is thought to cause the rough storms you liked when you were a baby. I gave you that name because I knew you'd be strong. I knew you'd become commander someday. But you would need to learn to lead with your head and not your heart." Halcyon tried to explain.

"That's pathetic. I'll never be Heda, I can't. I am a coward. I ran. Many more deserve this title more than me." I pointed out with anger and I turned away from him.

"And many men and woman are not like you Ensis. You are a natblida, not many others are. We average men settle for leading their kru, but you can settle for the world." He exclaimed throwing his hands but and I face him again.

"I'm not a leader, and I only saved your life because you are the only one that can help me stay alive. You can help me save Bellatrix." I informed him with a frown.

"She is a Sky girl yes?" He asked me and I nodded. "Why is she so special, they are the bringers of death."

"The locals have begun calling her Wanlida, and I'm worried of her actions. I never wanted anyone to let themselves become consumed by death and blood. But she has. And I fear she will never come back. I trained her how to fight, but I turned her into me. She's special because I see her humanity and how she loves pain. I don't want her to love it. It's not okay. I want to save her." I replied with a serious expression and Halcyon nodded in understanding.

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