Diary of a Desperate Wife and Mother - aged 35...and a half

Is It Too Much To Ask For A Good Monday?

Monday

Once I went back to bed I managed to sleep through til 8 when I wake to discover that Paul is already up and entertaining Finn. Even though it's a public holiday I have to work and after a breakfast of toast and tea I shower and leave for work.

Bank holidays are busy and at this time of year lots of people seem to decide that they need a holiday to look forward to in the summer and today is no different. As I complete the booking of a family's all-inclusive to Mexico I begin to think about my own family's holiday that isn't yet booked. I will discuss it with Paul later after Finn has gone to bed because our son always throws in a Disney themed suggestion. He has been to Florida and Paris but it is his holiday destination of choice and it's great but not every year.

My manager collars me on the way out and calls me into the office to ask if I have thought about the offer of promotion that was made a few days before. I explain that after Finn was unwell and then me I haven't had chance to really consider it. I don't go on to explain that I haven't yet told my husband about it and have no clue why. He gives me until the end of the week to decide, which is quite generous really, but the truth is that I don't even know if I want a promotion.

Once I get in the car my phone buzzes in my bag and when I retrieve it I find a message from Scarlett asking me if it's ok for her to stay at Luke's for tea, it is. She also tells me she has tagged me in a post about tour tickets that are due to go on sale at the end of the week. Without another thought I hit the Facebook symbol and find I have indeed been tagged and I also have a friend request!

My finger is still loitering over the illuminated friend request icon when another message lands in my inbox...Paul. Apparently his parents have been round and Finn and Martin and they are planning a trip to the seaside later in the week and would like to take the kids with them and he too is asking if that's ok, it is. He replies quickly and suggests that when all the kids are with his parents we should have a date night, a real date which makes me laugh because those are few and far between for us!

When I do get home Paul is pumping up the tyres on Finn's old bike, his new one needs collecting from the shop before his birthday at the end of the week. Paul and Finn have agreed that they are going to the park with Finn's bike. Oscar is beyond excited at all the activity so I dash upstairs to get changed so that I can go with the boys to the park. My quick change takes slightly longer than I had planned because the cat has clearly had a choking issue while I've been at work if the soggy fur ball I find on the landing is anything to go by and when I say find what I actually mean is step in! Once I have cleaned my foot and the carpet I go and check on the cat only to find she is fast asleep in a ball on Scarlett's bed. I consider berating her, the cat not Scarlett but she looks so peaceful I don't have the heart to.

With my clean and dry feet safely in my trainers I find the boys waiting for me.

The park is literally at the bottom of our road so in a matter of minutes we are going through the gates where Oscar quickly disappears in some bushes while Finn is getting a little too confident on his bike heading downhill towards the playground. We decide that Paul should chase our freewheeling son leaving me to pursue the dog in the densely wooded area. I call his name a couple of times before I find my usually snappy terrier sniffing around another dog, a beagle, a female I guess judging by the show Oscar is putting on; tail in the air sniffing her behind and generally showing off as he nudges her with his head. I am like an embarrassed but possessive mother as I encourage him to leave her alone but he is already mounting her! Her owner appears in the form of a you man of around 21 who is claiming 'my boy has taken a shine to his girl' making me smile before I offer profuse apologies and once I have my dog under control or at least unmounted I excuse myself and head back onto the path where I find Paul and Finn coming towards me.

Finn tells me how fast he can ride his bike and offers to show me. With a call of be careful he is off in the direction of the duck pond. Seeing my panic struck face Paul calls to our son with the order of stopping by the bandstand. His reply is in the form of a wave that sends ripples of panic through me as the bike wobbles precariously beneath him. Paul assures me our boy is pretty steady on 2 wheels and is more than ready for his new bike.

Obviously I am pleased that he is capable and relatively safe on his bike but it saddens me a little to think that my baby, my youngest baby is no longer a baby.

Thoughts of my children growing up is still on my mind when I pull my phone out to take a selfie of me, Paul and Finn eating ice-cream when I see Facebook on my screen and that bloody friend request and I know that I am going to open it, to check it, to see if it's Steven's friend request and I should tell Paul, if it is. As Finn runs off to play on the slide I open my mouth with the intention of announcing my friend request but the words that come out are the revelation of my offer of promotion. An offer Paul congratulates me on and then suggests we should celebrate it on our date night meaning he thinks I should take it, which is fair enough, but I worry about why I didn't tell him about Steven.

By bedtime I am restless again and sleep is elusive. I lie in bed and wonder if I should read my old diaries, I don't because they started all this, well them and this new diary and suddenly they all seem like a very bad idea. Tomorrow I will see who my friend request is from and accept my promotion.