Idol [book 1]

Chapter Five

" You know who's gonna give you everything? Yourself. "

-unknown-

*****

" I miss both of you omma, appa. I'm so lost without both of you. I don't know where to run if I have any problems and I really want both of you to comfort me with your wise words. " I said, as a single tear running through my cheeks.

True. I'm just so lost. Really lost. I mean yes, I do have my members on my back but they can't replace my late parents. Whenever I'm having a problem or stress, I would ask my parents for a piece of advice to keep me going. Seriously, I would pay for million dollars just to hear them cheer me.

But, there's a limit to everything. I placed the bouquet of flowers on their tombs and caressed it then. " Be safe omma appa. I better get going now. "

" Jihyo unnie, you guys can practice without me. I needed space. " I told Jihyo and fortunately Jihyo agreed, understanding my situation. I sighed, left the cremation site with a heavy-hearted.

" It's so cold. " I fix the scarf around my neck, to warm my body up. It is currently Spring season so it is cold. So weird and frustrating, Jimin hasn't contacted me for the last few months.

Maybe I shouldn't expect too much on him or any boys right now. He is just the same as other boys. Forgetting about him, I just spent my time walking and cycling around the Han River while meditating. I really love to meditate nowadays, it gives me peace of mind. It helps to organize my thoughts.

I don't realize that it is evening now. I just realized it when the sky slowly turned yellowish mixed with orange. " It's pretty, " I smiled as I took out my phone and capture the breathtaking scenery.

So pretty, yet mesmerizing. It is very rare for me to enjoy the sunset as I'm so busy nowadays and- suddenly a cup of tea appeared on my sight. Who the hell is this?

I feel someone is breathing and sniffing near to my neck so I turned around. It was Jimin. Park Jimin. He gives me a warm smile before took my hand and placed the hot cup on my hand. " Hi, Dahyun. Happy to see me? "

Am I happy? Or no? I want to give him an answer but my tongue just froze. So do my lips. I was really shocked to see him. But I am just feeling glad that he is doing fine.

" Hey, why are you crying? Jimin then seats beside me as I notice there's a single tear on my cheeks. 

Why am I crying? Am I happy to see him? Or am I just so lost and feeling really gloomy today? I... I don't know but I feel so heavy in my chest. Really heavy. 

" I.. I just feel so lost today. I can't feel myself for the past few weeks and I'm so frustrated about it. Also, I miss my parents terribly. Usually, they will cheer me or comfort me whenever I'm feeling down. Oh gosh, why did I tell you this? Sorry sunbaenim. " 

I cried, heavily. I suddenly burst the things that worry me. Something that has been on my mind and my heart for so many days. To my surprised, Jimin pulled me in his arms and I cried harder again on his shoulder. 

I'm such an embarrassment. I already cry on his shoulder, twice. Why did Jimin have to see me in this condition? I never wanted to look weak all the time but his presence really... calms me. In a strange way that I can't even explain. 

" Shh, let it out, alright? I'll be here by your side. " He whispered to me as he fixes my scarf around my neck. I then laid my head comfortably on his chest. Listening to his heartbeat. Strange, it is really the music in my ears. I secretly love it. 

" It's okay to feel lost in this world Dahyunnie. We are not ourselves, all the time. The more you wander, the more you get lost, the more you discover the beautiful things around you. And with that, you'll realize that you find who you really are. There's saying, the more you know, the more you don't know. We are still very young so it's okay to get lost. " Jimin said gently as he caressed my hair. His words hits me so deep and I feel really calm. 

This man, how can I earn him? How do I get him? I want to keep him. I want to keep him by my side. Yes, I like him. I like Jimin. But, it's impossible. 

  " Where were you for the past few weeks, sunbaenim? I want to return your scarf, it's uncomfortable for me to keep it. " He laughed as I pulled myself from his arms. 

" Do you really mean it to return me the scarf? " Oh, I didn't mean it but it was his.

" Y..Yeah. It's yours anyway. " I said, sipping the warm tea. 

" You wear it all the time more than I do so it's yours. It's my favorite scarf so you better take a good care of it. And, I've been really busy the whole months. By the time I wanted to call you, I was tired. Really tired. I was really happy when you gave me a call last time but I was sick during that time. " 

" It's okay, I don't mind. Yeah, I know how hectic an idol life is. It's something that we love to do but yeah, guess we are all human beings. " I faced him as we stared into each other's eyes. Our eyes were glimmering, happily.

" Let's meet more often in the future, okay? " He said, full of hopes. I smiled, " Sure. I will cook you a meal if you want us to meet. " 

" You do that? " He asked as I giggled. " Yeah, why not? " 

" It's strange we call this faith. We used to quarrel a lot whenever we meet. But look at us now? Getting more closer. " I laughed as I stared at the view then my eyes turned to him then caught he was staring at me too. So I quickly look away and coughed. 

" Oh, how did you know that I am here? " I asked and we spent that evening talking and eating at the convenience store before Jihyo called me to go to the practice room. 

It was a nice 'sudden-dating-or-friendly-dating' I had. Thanks, Jimin. I discovered a little bit of myself while I'm lost. 

It is, I need you to find me when I'm lost. 

*****

*****

updated : 17.6.17

edited : 11. 4. 18