Fix You

Fix You: Chapter 4

Ten Years Ago..

The wind was cold and it was blowing violently against my skin. Pumikit ako para damhin ito, I just want to feel something. Because everything is a blur. I want to punch myself and wake myself from this nightmare.

Kaso, pagbuka ng mga mata ko ay muling mahahagip ng aking paningin ang kamay kong may bakas pa ng dugo at ang suot kong puting unipormeng pang martial arts na may bahid din ng dugo.

Dugo ni Mama..

Napapikit akong muli. God, hindi na po ito magandang biro. Wake me up now please. Please.

Taimtim kong dasal pero mukhang malabong pakinggan iyon dahil ito na ngayon ang masakit na realidad ko.

I wanted to cry but my eyes have already poured all the tears that it can and I just feel so tired. In just a swift moment, me and kuya were orphans now. I wanted to be strong for kuya because I know it's hard for him too. He's nineteen and he will be taking care of his sixteen year old sister instead of enjoying his life with his friends.

I was sitting at the darkest corner of the hospital's rooftop, trying to hide and keep my thoughts to myself. Kuya Apollo was fixing things for Mama's funeral. Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na buntong hininga bago napag desisyonang bumaba na at tulungan si kuya sa ibaba.

I was about to walk to the door next to me when the door from the other side of the rooftop opened. Isang lalaking may katangkaran na nakasuot ng damit na pang pasyente ang dire-diretsong naglakad at sumampa sa railings ng hospital.

Mabilis akong napatakbo sa direksyon nya. He was about to jump when I managed to hold his waist and used all of my remaining energy to drag him back to his place. Nabuwal sya paatras kasama ko kaya malakas na tumama ang mga likod namin sa sahig. Mabuti ay medyo mababa lang ang kinabagsakan namin kaya hindi nabali ang mga likod namin.

He was grunting from pain. Napailing ako at inalalayan syang tumayo. Nang tuluyan syang makatayo ay sinapak ko sya sa mukha. Huh, he deserved that for causing me the trouble of saving him.

Nagulat sya pero ilang sandali pa ay nag-react na sya. Napamura sya ng malakas kaya sinamaan ko sya ng tingin.

"Para saan naman iyon?!" Baling nya sa akin gamit ang may kalakasang boses.

"Gising kana ba?" Tanong ko sa kanya na mas ikinalalim ng kunot ng noo nya.

"Bakit naman ako magigising, obviously I wasn't sleeping." May sarkasmong sagot nya sa akin. Napailing naman ako. He didn't get the meaning of my question. Medyo slow.

"Why did you do that? Why did you tried to commit suicide?" Diretsong tanong ko sa kanya. Tinitigan nya lang ako ng ilang sandali bago nag pakawala ng malalim na buntong hininga.