it's called being hurt

Twenty-one

I simply can't believe what dad is saying right now. My mom can't just leave me like that,she can't disappear from my life that way. She can't die and leave me here,right? No way,my mom isn't dead. She can't be dead, right?............

"How did it happen,sir?"Tammy ask my dad. Thank God she's here with me,being my voice cause I can't form any words in my mouth.

"She did a little investigation behind my back on the case. She was on her way back home,she found out who the fraud was,the name and identity of the person and she wasn't going to tell me on phone till she got home which she never did. She collided with a water tanker and that was how she never came back. Both her and the water tanker driver died."

Why is this happening to me? First Nich,then our property then the worst blow of it all,mom's life. What wrong have we done?

"I'm so sorry, Mr Yales. My condolences." She hugs me so tight.
Where are my tears?why aren't they dropping from my eyes? Oh God I just want to die.

Wait a sec, I can't die. If I die who'll take care of dad? Why mom?why did you have to leave me? Just why?

"It's okay ,dad. We've got each other now." I throw my hands around him,still no tears in my  eyes.

"You've also got me." Tammy says.

"And me."
I quickly turn around to see Thompson smiling at us. No one noticed when he entered.

"Thank you so much,guys. Thank you." Dad wipe his eyes and smile at them.

"Thompson, is there anything for dad to eat?"
"Yes Miss. I prepared soup earlier,I'll just microwave it." He bows his head and leave.

"How come Thompson is still here dad? I thought you had to fire everyone? I asked dad.

"He refused to leave. He said he wasn't going to leave my side."
I nod feeling grateful to Thompson.
Things are still blur to me but I don't want to dwell on them. I will think about everything when I'm sure dad is okay. My mother can't be dead like that.

Thompson comes back with a big round tray containing three plates of noodles and orange juice. He place the tray on the fine wooden middle table then bows his head again and leaves. He's fond of doing that. I don't know why he switched the soup for the noodles but I'm grateful either way.

"Time to eat ,daddy." He grunts as he try to sit up. I hand the other bowl of noodles and glass of orange juice to Tammy. I feed dad,trying to be as sweet as I can but inside,I'm dying. I don't know what to do,I don't know what to feel and most of all,I don't know how to cry. Why aren't the fucking tears coming out?

"I think you need to also eat and rest,princess. You look exhausted and I'm pretty sure Tamara is also exhausted."

"I'll eat when I'm sure you're okay. I'm fine dad. Just worry about finishing your food."

I finally finished feeding him and the moment his back touched the bed,he drifted off to sleep. Tammy and I retreated to my own room to rest.

_

As soon as we enter my room,she turns me to face her and hug me so tight with tears in her eyes. I don't want anybody to feel pity for me. I'm stronger than all these,I'll make it.

"I'm so sorry ,Bes. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now." She says.

"No Tamz. It's me who is sorry. This wasn't how I expected us to spend our vacay. I planned on taking you to L.A,to the beach,shopping malls and fancy diners for fancy food. But what did you get?all my crap again. I'm sorry."

"Don't you dare say that, Amanda. I'm happy to be here going through all these with you."

"Even though I still can't get a grab of what is happening? I mean how did we loose everything at once? Just How?"

She release me from her embrace and we walk to the bed and sit down.
"No wonder you haven't shed a single tear. I knew you were trying to be strong in front of your dad but it's just you and I now,you can cry . let it all out."

I manage a small laugh. "That's difficult. I can't cry when I don't know what I'm feeling. I have mixed feelings, anger and hatred towards Nich,sadness towards my dad and denial towards my mom's news. I mean what's all these feelings called?"

"It's called being hurt."

"Exactly, hurt is the word."

She drags me into her arms again,whispering soothing words and running her fingers through my hair. What would I do without this Angel beside me? She has never for once complained about my problems, it's as tho she's living her life for me. I planned on spoiling her this vacay.

Tho the vacation is for just a week,I planned on making everyday of the week a memorable one for her cause she deserves it. But no,instead I had to make her carry my burdens and worries again.
And Nich,now that I need him the most,now that I need him to hug me and kiss me and tell me everything would be okay,he's nowhere to be found. Actually,he dumped me.

"I love you,Tamara."

"I love you too,baby. Now you have to eat something cause you need your strength now more than ever before."

I try eating the food but I see mom's body, lifeless and I end up throwing up. I put myself out of the torture by taking the food back to the kitchen.
After that,I climb into the bed,beside Tammy, hoping and praying that when I wake up, everything would be a dream. That mom would wake me up with the sweet aroma of pancakes and her usual awful morning singing.