Son Of The Shinigami

Chapter 7

As I look toward the fire, it pops and sizzles as it burns the wood to char. Then I turn my gaze to the sky, watching as the stars shine behind the leaves and branches, they themselves sway in a gently and cool breeze. My hair brushing over my eyes and I take in a deep breath. As I exhale I feel the life around me.

'Almost makes me philosophical.'

The moon is higher than what it was before, well past midnight as it starts to sink back toward the horizon. But dawn is a long ways off yet.

Starting to let my mind wonder, memories of the night I became Shinigami swarmed into my memory. Flashes of my mother and father's corpses strewn through out a bloodied room. Chairs and tables flipped over against the walls, some laying in splinters. The fire dead and cold as only a small trickle of smoke escaped the chimney. Then her.... the spirit that made me standing in the room holding my fathers soul...

"Onii-san?" I hear someone call.

My heart starts to slow from it's race as relived those memories over again. Looking around as my hair is now plastered to my face from the cold sweat, I notice Amaya looking at me from her bed roll.

As I turn away, she comes over and sits next to me. "What's wrong? Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Someone has to keep lookout at night, and it's nothing." I reply.  "And I hear it's chivalrous to let the women enjoy their comfort."

"What are you thinking about?" Amaya inquires.

"That night..." I reply. I try to keep up a stern face... but I feel my lip quiver slightly as a tear sheds, the thoughts of my mother and father... that night.

"Onii-san," Amaya says moving towards me as she leans down and hold me.

I start silently sobbing the vivid scenes playing through my mind. My heart sinking and feeling as if it's going to break apart.

'Why am I breaking from this?'

"Onii-san," Amaya coos. "When did you get to mourn over that day?"

As I try to get a hold of myself, I reply. "I don't know...after that I had you to take care of, then everything that went on for my training. Then the ones on my list I had to take care of... I don't know if I did ever get a time to mourn them."

Shaking her head, Amaya continues, "You never change, always keeping things hidden from us. Making yourself seem fine, when you're emotions are running wild with strife, or you injuries have taken more than its toll on you. You still keep things hidden not thinking of yourself, but of us..."

As I start to regain control and wipe my eyes, my face is still red with the signs that I indeed had shed tears.

"I have to shape up. I can't let this take a hold of me."

"Onii-san, you need to learn to think of yourself for a while." Amaya replies.

"If something happened to any of you, while you helped me on my journey... I don't think I could forgive myself. I don't think I'd even want to..." I speak softly.

"Onii-san," Amaya exhales, "we all know the risks of joining you... well Minako, Tora, and I do. I can't say the others do as well, but I would expect it."

"That doesn't ease my concern imouto," I retort. "If I can not keep you all safe... than what kind of person could I be."

"You can't protect everyone," Amaya is quick to say. "You need to understand that and accept it. It's painful yes. But it's not something that can be helped... it's just a fact that you need to accept."