I Think I've Had Enough

Chapter 107: It's The End Where I Begin

Ellen tapped the box anxiously against the counter. After a moment of staring at it, she rolled her eyes and threw it in the drawer. It was stupid. There was no need for it. She wasn't pregnant... and then her mind wandered...or was she? She padded out of the bathroom and froze mid-step. Her daughters giggled at the kitchen table. Ellen's eyes focused on Emilee. She had been sure she wasn't pregnant with Em. And yet, she was.

She sighed and turned back to the bathroom. Visions of a baby boy danced in Ellen's head. Her perfect family coming to life. The kids growing up together, all of the kids. All six of them, their own Brady Bunch. She sighed again and hated herself for feeling so hopeful. Annoyed that she was still so hung up on him.

Resisting all of her overwhelming thoughts, she ripped open the box and peed on the damn stick. She set it on the counter. Her nerves were on fire. Her heart raced quickly. She tossed cold water to her face and tried to breathe deeply.

Ellen studied her face in the mirror. She was too old for this. Too old to be so helplessly in love, to be dealing with this never-ending soap opera drama. When would the dust settle. When would life be normal?

The minute hand on her watch moved and her stomach sunk. It was time. She reached for the test and then hesitated. It would be fine. They would handle this. Emilee had been such a blessing. This baby would be too.

She exhaled and picked up the test. What should have been a relief felt like a dagger to Ellen's chest. Darkness seemed to tunnel in on her. Emotion pulsing in her throat. The hope of her perfect family shattering around her with two little words, "NOT PREGNANT."

The memories of her life with Patrick flooding her mind. It was like she was ending their relationship all over again. She inhaled deeply and forced the tears away.

"Mom," Stella giggled through the door, "You've got to see this."

Ellen collected herself. She pulled her hair tightly off her head. She cleared her throat and headed out into the living room. If there was something that would never change about her, it was that she knew how to overcome anything. In reality this wasn't so bad. She had two beautiful daughters and half of her life left. Things would turn around. Someday.

Lucy and Emilee were in the living room. They had ripped the cushions off the couch and now Emilee was wrapped in a blanket on the floor. She stood and laughed hysterically, "Watch out Mom," she called, "the floor is lava!"

"Oh," Ellen exclaimed jumping on top of the closest pillow.

As she watched her daughters play together happily there was a peace that came over her. She was their mother. That was what was most important. They deserved her best. Emilee and Stella hopped around from pillow to pillow. Their mother laughing at them hysterically. Lucy smiling brightly as well.

An alarm went off on Lucy's phone. They exchanged a look and Ellen stood. "I have to run to meet a friend. I'll be back in a couple of hours. We can go to dinner."

"Where," Emilee smiled excitedly.

"Wherever you would like my dear," she kissed her head and Stella's too.

Ellen threw on a green sundress and tossed her wavy hair. Still overwhelmed with emotion ,she hesitated to put on makeup. She gave in, realizing it had been several years since she'd seen Shonda. She needed all the help she could get. Once she had enough makeup to feign confidence, she studied her face again.  For a moment as she headed out the door, life seemed to come full circle.

The sound of a bustling set made Ellen's stomach flutter with both fear and excitement. She was several takes in to her first scene of this crazy television pilot. Normally her nerves would be gone by now but there was something about her co-star.

She had felt that way from the beginning. Enchanted by him. It wasn't the work that was making her nervous. It wasn't even him that was making her nervous. It was her hearts reaction to him. The flutter inside of her reminded her of what it was like to fall in love. That was terrifying. She barely knew this man. Yet he raised his eyebrows and winked at her and everything shifted inside of her. Her smile refused to quit.

"Let's take it from we can do anything you want..." the director shouted out. "Action!"

"Oh, we can do anything you want." Patrick's eyes glittered.

"The thing. Exchange the personal details of our lives, pretend we care... Look, I'm going upstairs to shower. And you won't be here when I get back. So goodbye...?" Ellen's cheeks pinking with embarrassment.

"Derek." Patrick's demeanor utterly charming. He stood in front of her in this quaint living room.

"Derek.. --- Meredith." She answered hesitantly, desperately wanting for this scene to be over.

The world stood still as their hands touch. It was a simple irony filled handshake but it was one Ellen would never recover from. It was words on a script. A fake moment in time, but there was nothing fake about it. She was meeting the man that she would spend the next years of her life pining over. She was sure of it.

"It was nice meeting you Meredith," Patrick's voice buttery smooth.

Her eyes hovered over his and she wondered how anyone could possibly be this charming. "Bye, Derek." Ellen spoke quickly and headed up the stairs behind her.

Amused by both the scene and his beautiful co-star Patrick began to dress.

She watched him from around the corner of the stairs. She was clearly out of frame but still so intrigued by him. It was the way he carried himself. It was that hair. She sighed out loud just as the directed called cut.

"I think we got it," the director called to Patrick after they stopped rolling.

"Great," Patrick nodded. Ellen still watched him from behind the stairs. She watched as he looked around the corners and his brow furrowed. Was he looking for her? He headed out the sound stage door. A smile pulled at her lips as she headed down the stairs.

"Thanks guys," she nodded to the crew and headed out the very same door.

The bright light made her squint as she stepped out into the alley. He was several feet in front of her talking to a crew member. She walked towards him just as the crew member pointed to her. "Looking for me?" She shouted with a smile.

"All my life," he shouted back, his eyes twinkling, hair blowing slightly in the warm breeze.

She shook her head and smiled back at him.