Tales of a Peculiar Pirate

2. The Rescue of The Birbalinda

The wind could only move them at so fast a pace, and it didn't help there was a giant tear in one of the sails. At this rate, the two would never catch up to The Birbalinda. The pirate plopped himself down on a crate, looking even more dejected than before.

"This ship is so garbage, I could walk on water and be faster," muttered Polly. Mechanically, she re-tied her ponytail, for the repetitive motion was the only thing that could offer her solace. The pirate had little hair on the top of his head, so he settled with stroking his beard.

"You know, walking on water isn't a bad idea," replied the pirate. He rearranged his hat. "I didn't mention it earlier, but I used ta be known as Captain Pepe Trixx, often called The Frog of the Seas. Now walking on water might be a tad tricky, but hopping ain't hard. I've done it many a time, and I guess if you plan to do some sea travelin' you best learn how to too."

"How will we not sink?" frowned Polly. From that remark, any self-respecting pirate could tell Polly had much to learn.

"Have you not heard of the cohesive forces between liquid molecules?" inquired Captain Trixx with a raised brow.

"I don't think the surface tension of water will be enough to keep us from going straight down to the deeps. Aren't we a tad heavy for that?"

Captain Trixx shrugged. "Lassie, the one thing living in the seas has taught me is that if you have enough leg muscles anything is possible."

With a grunt, he flexed, and the cuffs of his pants split apart. Thus he was able to roll them up with ease displaying his toned calves and shredded thighs.

By now, The Birbalinda was barely within sight. Captain Trixx knew they had wasted enough time loitering about, and wasted no more in jumping off the boat. Polly watched him with bated breath, ready to hear a splash any moment. After all, the pirate was no small man, but the anticipated plop never came. Instead Captain Trixx landed gracefully on the water, and threw in a toe-spin to boot. Polly still had her doubts, but her desire to whip the Lampposts in the face with her ponytail helped her overcome her fear, and so she took the plunge.

As she was free falling the 9 feet from the deck to the sea, she knew she had made a grave mistake. It was mere seconds before she found herself floundering in freezing water.

"Help," she gasped looking desperately at Captain Trixx. He looked at The Birbalinda forlornly before releasing a sigh. He frog hopped his way back to Polly and pulled her from the sea's icy mitts.

"It's been so long since I learned how to seawalk that I forgot it needed more than just buff legs." Captain Trixx then had to watch his beautiful Birbalinda drift away as he instructed Polly in the basics of seawalking, which involved figuring how to wobble just right. Polly had never been more grateful her parents threatened her with shrooms if she dared skip leg day.

Captain Trixx was hardly satisfied with his work, but if he didn't hurry, catching up to The Birbalinda would be impossible. They should have taken the cheap sloop. At least it moved.

"Let's chop, lass. Not a moment to waste; just follow my lead and we'll make good time."

Polly grunted, making a sound not unlike one that would come from a constipated pig, and hobbled her way after Captain Trixx. As they moved towards The Birbalinda, inch by inch, they noticed the stolen ship making a sharp U-turn back to them.

"Man, if those lassies weren't such nasty cretins, I'd applaud those steering skills, 'cause lemme tell you that you don't learn that kinda maneuvering in a day, no siree," whistled the captain.

The boat rolled towards them until they were practically side by side. In fact, they were so close that Polly could see the black roots of the redhead's dye job and the over lining of the blonde's lips. Polly didn't even bother to try hiding her cringe.