Tales of a Peculiar Pirate

1. The Lamppost Auctioneers and the Dejected Pirate

A small figure sat languidly on one of the town square's many benches. The square was hosting its monthly Farmers Market and the area was brimming with bodies. Large ships with towering masts and sails billowing in the strong winds cast long shadows over the venders from their plot in the harbor. The figure rose and stretched as the clock tower began to chime. Her ponytail of brown hair struck her face as a gust of wind sped by. With an annoyed grunt, she set off on a march in the direction of the docks.

That small shape heading to the boats was Polly. Polly was an avid lover of all things ocean, and the moment she laid eyes upon a boat, she knew she had to have one. Of course, no captain wanted a girl on their ship unless as a chef, and Polly could cook just as well as a noodle with personality.

Her parents had been uniquely supportive of her seafaring dreams and even bought her a Monmouth cap. However, her classmates had not been as kind. She was a constant target until she decided the taunts would go on no longer and sent her classmates home dripping in seawater. None of the parents ever figured out how their children ended up soaked when their school was some ten miles from the sea or where the sudden fear of the neighborhood oddball came from.

Years later, Polly moved to a new beach town and left the watchful eyes of her dear parents, despite still being a junior. After accustoming herself with nearly everything the sea had to offer including every variation of seafood possible, midnight swims, and rooming on cramped ships, Polly decided it was high time she got around to exploring the sea in her very own boat. And so, she studied and worked and ate minute meals up until she had save up the money she needed to consider herself a serious buyer, which was about now.

x x x

The auction should have started 10 minutes ago. Polly tapped a foot against the floor impatiently as more and more bidders trickled onto the pier . A man and woman with matching thin eyes, long bodies, and abnormally large heads watched the crowd gather with growing smirks of satisfaction. The girl could only assume the two were the auctioneers and that they were plotting ways to cheat every last bit of coin off the bidders. After a solid 11 minute delay, Man Lamppost called the mass to attention.

"Gather round, my good men. Today you are about to make the most finger snapping, jazzy, and gloriously snazzy purchase of your life. Now these darlings may not look like much," he said with an overly animated gesture towards a section of ships whose boards looked close to rotting, "but I assure you someone is going to buy one of 'em and remodel it to the point where ya'll will regret not buying it."

"Of course that part's none of my business. My lady and I are only here to sell you these spicy specimens. And without further ado, let the offering of particular prices for something, especially at a public sale in which goods or property are sold to the highest bidder begin."

Woman Lamppost did most of the talking after that in a deep, booming voice. An hour ticked by and the crowd was beginning to disperse. Most had chosen the best they could within their budget, which wasn't very high for none of the bidders were particularly big spenders. Polly had yet to see a single ship worthy of purchase and she was starting to despair over how much of her life she had just wasted. However, she refused to believe she had stayed so long for naught, and was determined to leave with at least something.

"There's not many of you cheap-ies left, so I guess you've been waiting for the big guns," boomed Woman Lamppost. "I assume you leftovers won't settle for the run-of-the-mill trash your fellow bidders bought, and since we want all them wooden wastes of space gone by today, we'll let you see the good stuff. Follow us and be quick about it."

The two set off at a brisk pace and toward a passage on the mainland that led to a locked door, which Man Lamppost opened with a dramatic flourish.