The Matchmaker

Chapter 31

There's hardly anything I can do before the frail screech escapes my lips, sounding like the cry of a pterodactyl in the vast room. Hurriedly excusing myself, I make a quick getaway through the door and speed walk down the corridor until I've reached the front entrance and back to the steps leading up to the estate. 

Plopping down onto one of the steps, I let my head drop while my fingers dig into my hair and frustrated groans are breathed out from the shock I've just received. 

Become Zander's girl?

I?

Catherine Lewis? 

This abolishes everything I've been standing for since our argument by the apartment stairwell. I had chipped away at Zander's sincerity, determined to find him someone...anyone who could confidently be the woman he needed. Matchmaking programs rarely ever lied, I whole heartedly trusted the algorithm and it's in this moment that the begrudging truth is made obvious - I hated relying on my own feelings. Celia and I worked by a method and only ever bended the rules when it came to research but to throw two people together based on hunches or how we felt? Never.

Based on all the data we've collected so far, Zander and I could never work. Besides, I like structure. God knows how much I revel in the isolated stability I've managed to create over the years from having a manipulative 'friend' use me and then conveniently discard me to be the offering of hysteric teenagers too bored and thwarted by life.

Could I ever possibly mend myself again if I let Zander as close as Shawn ever was? What terrifies me even more, is that I know he'd be even closer. 

Sighing, I finally raise my head to take in the scenery in front of me. I feel worlds apart from what I see and it places a sickening feeling within me. It's one thing to manage a part of their lives from the distant comfort of my apartment but to be placed in the heart of it makes me sick to my stomach, self-conscious and copiously aware of how two girls who dreamed ambitiously entered a separate sphere they don't belong in. A nice hallucination to lull pains from the past and create a world in which we could dictate and rule for a short while.

Do I even have the right to have regrets and such worries after how far we've come? I should have never opened the door when Zander came knocking, my heart and mind set on scheming. I guess I'm no better than others - I saw an opportunity and took it but it's time I own up to the things, feelings...the facts that I've done my best to neglect. And the largest of these elephants taking a room in my mind is that I like Zander.

And I want to help him and not just as a friend but as someone willing to live with the fear of letting someone close enough to bear the onslaught of fresh wounds flagellated by an ex-fiancée, a mob of internet attackers, or from a social group I've never been a part of.

"I can do this for Zander and I can do this for me," I declared solemnly not caring to be overheard by a passerby. 

Standing upright I take a deep breath and march back into the room I ran from, well aware of the three pairs of eyes watching me carefully, not a word uttered by either of the women.

After a lengthy pause, I finally say the one word they've been longing to hear, "Yes."

Jumping to her feet, Celia clambers against the tea cart before strutting towards me and placing her hands on my shoulders shaking me with disbelief. "You don't mean..." She said, trailing as her eyes beg me to finish her sentence.

"Yes, okay I'll do it."

Shrieking, she grabs my hands and begins jumping up and down, elated and I roll my eyes as the redness in my cheeks indicated how embarrassing this was. You'd think I won the lottery...I only said yes to a man who couldn't ice skate, liked naming inanimate objects, and carried me like a sack of potatoes. Gee, I feel like such a winner.