Starry Night Thoughts

When Things Don't Go Your Way

So, I know we've all had this happen to us. Whether we didn't get the toy or game we wanted, or didn't get into the right college, or even had a breakup with someone, it's happened.

Well, (and there's a little bit of a story to go along with this one), something like that happened to me fairly recently. Really, it's had a span of the past *does the math* three (?) years. 

I'm not going to go into it here. It's way, way long and complicated.

*back to present*

I dance. Technical term would be "I am a ballerina," but that sounds so fancy. Anyway, the ballet school I go to has a company. It's not a job company, but a company where high schoolers get to dance bigger roles in the school's ballets. This year, after a lot of mulling it over, I decided to try out for said company. I really like what they do. The members go schools and children's hospitals to perform for those who can't make it to the show.

Now, this company has two tiers: junior and senior. Senior company is the one that gets to go do all the cool things and gets bigger roles.

I auditioned for senior.

Just so you don't think I'm some random kid who decided to try out, I'm not. I've been dancing for fourteen years at the time of this audition. I've been in multiple shows, been on pointe for six years, and had been in a company class at another school for twelve years before swapping over to this school (long story), where I've been for two more years.

Last year, I had the chance to audition but opted out of it. See, I am in my church's contemporary worship band on Sunday mornings and they practice during the week. The day they practice is one of the ballet class days for senior company, and you're not allowed to miss many senior company classes.

Needless to say, I wasn't absolutely positive I wanted to be in senior company. I'd have to be more committed than I already was and  would have to drop out of church band, or see if I could miss the rehearsal day and still show up on Sunday, which isn't fair to everyone else.

But still, I tried out. I had to take a company class, which is the type of class my other ballet school used to do. It was hard, but fun. After the audition, we'd be sent a letter saying if we got into company or junior company.

Well, my letter finally came! I should have been excited, but for some reason, I wasn't. It was the "I'm still not positive I want to do this" feeling.

But I wanted in. What's the point of auditioning if I didn't want in?

I read through the letter, and on there it said "Junior Company." Basically, it said I wasn't good enough for company and should try out again next year. On the bottom was a signature that was not my teacher's, but the president of the company's.

Well, great. Awesome. It's not like I wanted in in the first place. I mean, I just went there to play around. Who cares about company, right?

RIGHT!?

And the I realized: I wasn't mad. Disappointed, yes. A little aggraved, yes. Embarrassed, certainly. I was up against girls who had been alive for as long or less amount of time as I'd been dancing.

But junior company meant I could still do church band.

Junior company meant I could do the exact same thing I was doing this year, next year.

I actually had more freedom than I did last year. More choices.

I'm still upset. Not crying upset, but disappointed. I tried out because I wanted in. I know who got in too, and that just makes it a little worse, depending on who I'm thinking of.

But there's a reason.

I'm in high school and taking college classes. This gives me more time for school.

I would've had to drop band, which I love, and now I don't have to.

I can do more this upcoming year than I did last year. I have a smidge more freedom instead of a strict schedule.

I can't allow myself to be bitter about this! It happened for a reason. When I see the two choices I had, band or ballet, there's no question. Church band beats ballet.

It beats it any day of the week.

I guess what my point is, is that if things didn't go how you wanted them to, you can get angry, but don't let it consume you. Let it slide away.

These things happen for a reason. If we aren't supposed to do something, then we will know. If we are supposed to do something, then we will know.

We may never know immediately. It may take years. We may be dying and have someone say something to us that make us realize "that's why!"

But there is always a reason.