The Diary Of a Tired Japanese.

22. I have been diagnosed with...

So.

I've been a bit down for a few weeks, nothing unusual.

Constant fatigue.

Blurry eyes.

Tired hands and legs.

Fast heartbeat.

Difficulty in breathing.

Well, last Saturday my mother saw my feet and screamed.

Why?
Because I'm a very lean person. I have thin arms and legs, which made me look like a Q-tip when I was younger.

What my mother saw were not thin legs.

My feet had swollen up to twice its normal size, Big and puffy.

Naturally, she drags me to the hospital.

The doctor gets suspicious when I tell him of all of those above, and tells me to go to a bigger hospital.

I do.

Next thing I know, I have a metal tube stuck in my arm and four bottles of blood taken away, an echo machine rolling up and down my throat, and a frowning doctor looking at me with pity.

Great.

I've been diagnosed with Graves' disease.

Just great.

I don't have the enlarged eyes, nor do I have a swollen throat.

Juuuuuust great.

I nodded along to the doctor's words, waited till I was excused from the office, and the moment my mother put her hand on my arm, I had to burst out in tears like a child.

I was picked as the most beautiful girl in my year.
Now, I have a disease that makes me walk like a freaking goblin with big eyes.

The worst part isn't even that.

I told my boyfriend, facetimed with him, and he started showering me with compliments, saying that nothing has changed, that nothing looks different.

Now he started crying half way through.

Great.

The one person that loves me for who I am, and I make him cry.

I can't run, I can't exercise, I can't do anything.

And the doctor said this disease might take my whole life to cure.

Fuck. My. Life.

I know I shouldn't whine because there are plenty of people with more horrible and terrifying problems, but, this, this is just...

I need to get a grip on myself.

My friends can't see me like this.

My students can't see me like this.

Right, move on Noise.

Move on.

-Noise