Stronger

Chapter 9

On Saturday, Aunt Missy woke us up. We got dressed, ate and then Uncle James, Aunt Missy, Rocky and I headed to the courthouse. Mike stayed behind to watch the girls. The first person to talk on the stand was my mother. "Is it true that you are a recovering alcoholic and addict?" My lawyer, Cassandra, asked her. "Yes." My mom said. "Is it also true that your recently deceased husband was also an addict and alcoholic?" My mom nodded. "Did he or did he not sexually assault and abuse your daughter?" Cassandra asked. "I have no memory of that." My mom said defensively. "That's because you were always drunk or high whenever the events took place. Do you remember the day your daughter ran away for the estimated twelfth time?" My mom shook her head. "What makes you think you can be their for you seventeen year old daughter who has tried to escape your custody not once, not twice but twelve times?" Cassandra asked. "As of late, I may have not proven myself to be the best mother but I did raise her for three years by myself even while grieving the loss of my late husband." Cassandra laughed. "That was when she was an innocent child. She still is one to this day but now she's not a child. Who can't raise a five year old? She's easily distracted then. You can give her a toy and feed her lies all you want then but now she is damn near an adult who has been through so much more then probably half of the people in this room. Do you really think she's going to want to live with you after living in what could be described as hell for many years?" My mom looked at me. I held her gaze for a moment but I had to look away. "I don't expect her to but everybody deserves a second chance." She was staring at during her answer. I could feel her gaze on me as mine was trapped on the floor. "No further questions." Cassandra sat down and my mother's lawyer stood. "Two questions. Do you love your daughter and do you regret the events that have taken place over the years?" She asked. "Yes and yes." My mother said nodding. "No further questions." My mother's lawyer then called Uncle James to the stand. "So you're Miss Tina's brother in law?" She started off. "Ex brother in law and sadly yes I was." Uncle James sighed. "How did you get involved in this situation?" Uncle James cleared his throat before answering. "Just about a month ago, my bank called. They said an old credit card had been used. I remember I had given it to Rocky but I didn't think it was her, honestly. My son, Mike, found her and brought her to my house. Once she came and explained everything that had happened, I waned to go and retrieve the rest of her belongings. We went and retrieved it but as we were leaving her stepfather pulled out a gun. He told me to leave and her to stay. Rocky then ran and he charged me. We fought for the gun which is when he was accidentally shot in the chest. The police released her into my custody once the situation was settled." Uncle James answered. "Do you believe that once somebody is addicted to narcotics that they can make the same rational decisions they could before?" The lawyer asked. "Here's the thing, I have known Tina for a very long time. Before Rocky was born, all she would talk about is having a daughter. Rocky was her everything. Tina was married to my brother and whenever he passed it effected her, just like it effected all of us. However, she had Rocky. Rocky looks identical to her father. Tina used to say she'll always be okay as long as she had Rocky. But that changed. Nobody forced her to marry that man. Nobody forced her to do those things and nobody told her to ignore what was happening. So, yes, I think she could've made other decisions." Uncle James said. "One last question: If you lost a child, would you do anything to get him or her back?" Uncle James leaned forward seriously. "My child would never be in the position my niece was in." The lawyer got a disgusted look on her face. "No further questions." The judge then called a recess. Afterwards, Cassandra called me to the stand. "First off, I would like to apologize for everything that you've been through." She said apologetically. I nodded. "Can you describe your relationship with your mother?" Cassandra said. I sighed. "Well it obviously isn't a good one I can only remember a few things from right after my father died. There were days my mom was the best mother in the world but then there were days that were the complete opposite of that. From what I can remember everything was okay until she married Sir Asshole." I said. "Who would that be?" Cassandra interrupted. "Andy. My ex-stepfather." She motioned for me to continue. "He wasn't too aggressive with me until I was fourteen." I said. "What changed then?" Cassandra asked. I took a deep breath. "I came out as lesbian he didn't like it and try to change me ." I said "What do you mean by change you?" She asked. "He'd inappropriately touch me and call me derogatory names. He'd tell me nobody loved me except when he'd use me for sex." I said. "Where did these events take place?" "At my house." I said. "Rocky do you want to live with your mother?" "No." She looked at the judge. "No further questions." She said and sat down. My mother's lawyer stood. "Rocky, do you believe in second chances?" She asked. "If the person deserves it." I said. "So you don't think your mother deserves one." "No I don't." I said. "Your mother didn't rape you. Your mother didn't object to your sexuality. What has she done?" She asked raising her voice. I look at my mother. "Most of the time when Andy would touch me, my mother would be high or so drunk that she would pass out. However, there was a time she was sober. I was 16. It was Saturday, July 13th. I had just come home from my friends house at around 3 a.m. I walked in the house and mom was passed out on the couch I went to my room and climbed into bed. I was almost asleep when he came in. He said he wanted to punish me for trying to hide from him. After a few screams, my mother must have woken up. She came into my room and made direct eye contact with me. I've never asked her for help before because she was never really sober. I could tell she was this time however. I said 'Mom help me' but she just walked out and close the door. That's why she doesn't deserve one." I said. "No further questions." The lawyer said and sat down. The judged called a recess. "You did good, baby." Izzy whispered to me when I sat down. "Just hold me." My voice cracked. We left and sat outside for a few minutes. No words were said. She just held me. When we reentered the courtroom, I could see our lawyers speaking to the judge. From my view, they were talking fast and the judge was getting annoyed faster. "Enough! I've made my decision!" He yelled, banging his gavel. "Due to the annoyance of the defendant, I will allow a few hour visit every Friday and Saturday for the next two weeks. After that, we shall see if the circumstances." He said. On the car ride home, nobody said anything. Mike had already made dinner. I ate but I didn't want to. Afterwards, I put my dishes into the sink and went outside. I walked for what seemed like hours. I reached a small clearing that had a tree in the center. I climbed to the top and sat. As I sat in the silence of the night, alone with my thoughts, my demons came out to play. 'She doesn't want you.' 'Nobody wants you.' 'She wants you for appearances sake. Why else would she want a daughter like you.' They wouldn't stop. Whenever I was little and before my mom was the way she is now, she used to tell me to drown my demons and don't let them breathe me into their lies. But, guess what? I can't drown my demons, because they've learned to swim. I pulled out the knife I had sneakily taken and dragged it across my wrist. I watched as the warm, thick, crimson liquid drip and turn the evergreen leaves into slimy red ones. I don't know how long I was sitting there, up in the tree, for but eventually I decided to climb down. I don't know how high off the ground whenever I became dizzy and slipped. I fell and then everything went black.

Whenever I opened my eyes, I was lying on my back in an all white room. I stood up and looked around. There seemed to be nothing for miles. I looked in front of me and in the distance, there was something but I couldn't make out what it was. Curiosity killed the cat and me because I walked towards it. As I got closer, I could see the image of a man sitting at a table. "Hello?" I said when I got close enough. The man stood up and turned around. Have you ever seen something and it just knocks the wind right out of you? My breath hitched in my throat.

"Dad?"