Nothing like us [Lauren/You]

Chapter 30

I flew out to California to show our baby the beach he wanted to see, we traveled from Italy to Barcelona, basically everywhere you once told me you would take me. We took some pictures and they are inside the box beneath our old bed, just waiting for you to wipe that dust off and bring them out of that dark place.

I talked to your mom and she apologized, for what I still don't know, maybe for the fact that she took you away from us, and deep down inside I knew it, I knew it that I blamed her too. She called one day begging me to give you a chance, I was weaker every morning yet I agreed to see your face. I thought that was going to be it and that afterwards we will go our own way, we haven't been together for months and when I saw your tiny body something broke inside me. You looked like the life was sucked out of you, you smelled like beer and cigarettes, you pulled one out and lit it up, your hands shaking nervously as I sat behind that counter in the bar.

Hello, was all it took for us to break and when I held you closely while you cried that night you told me everything that was making you so bad. I forgave every moment that we lost, I forgave every kiss that you didn't gave, every look that hurt me in some way, every attention I didn't have, I forgave because I knew that in four months there won't be a chance to fix what has been done between me and you.

You told me you were scared of losing me and I smiled at you shaking my head, you weren't ready to hear it yet, so I held it in. Dinah was a mess when she found out accidentally, I made her promise that she will take care of you after I leave. Noah, Noah is a special boy, he loves you more than you can imagine and he forgave you for it all.

He was mad, he told us that he hated you and that I should do the same, but I always found and excuse for you so maybe now is the time you step forward and reach out for your son that is probably in the process of learning to be strong.

If I know my mom she is probably packing my stuff in boxes with a smile on her face, she is trying to stay strong and that's part of the process but when you see her, hug her and tell her that I'll always be with her even if she can't see me. Give her a note will you? I left it in the box, tell my dad the story of how we were and how we met. Leave this year out of it for your own sake baby, I know we had it all before, we turned the wrong way at scarecrow but I promise that one day you'll be okay.

Don't blame yourself and think back on the days, live your life as I would want you to if I was still there. I have a theory that when I die, I will become your guardian angel because baby lately you are running out of your mind. Enough about this year of regrets and broken hearts baby, let's travel down the memory lane, do you remember how good it felt when we woke up next to eachother the day after our wedding day.

You made me breakfast in bed and I was the luckiest person alive. I ...

Y/n throws the letter on the floor and runs to the living room, "why did you wrote that!" She screams at Lauren loudly, "you just broke my heart. I can't. Why?"

"Y/n, how could I possibly know that I will survive it? I wanted to burn it all but you told me to show it to you, you wanted to read it." Lauren mumbles swaying the little baby inside her arms while walking towards her wife, looking past her shoulder to check on one tiny lil creature sleeping in the crib.

"Just, I can't," y/n sobs out loudly reaching for an envelope that is still laying at the bottom of the box covered by pictures, she pulls it out sighing heavily as she sees her name on top of it.

With a heavy heart she opens up a letter Lauren once wrote:

Love,

If you are reading this it probably means that I am gone, it means that my time on this ball that we call earth has ran out. The sand clock lost it's purpose, the time itself lost its purpose for me, I'm floating around with all of the souls that already had to say goodbye to this world. It took me weeks to start writing this words, every time I started with this letter I imagined your face and I couldn't do it. Until someone told me that time is not on my side anymore, so knowing that the person might be right I have decided that it was time to put my thoughts into the words I will leave behind for you to read.