Nothing like us [Lauren/You]

Chapter 18

I am standing here in front of the window, watching the nurses and doctors as they are trying so hard to bring me back to life. Keep trying and I will start swimming when I'll find the right way to swim at. My pulse line has been flat for a few seconds already, I've never felt as good as I feel right now. There is no pain, no feeling nothing, all I feel is emptiness and for one weird reason it feels good. I feel nothing and it feels good.

On one side there is my body calling me back, there are my friends holding Lauren as she is breaking down again and on the other side there is freedom, a one way ticket to a place I know nothing about. It could be nice there, either way I don't believe that it could be as bad as it is in this world. People here seems to be heartless, obssesed with only material things.

I walk through the wall of my room, something is pulling me outside and that's when I see it, I see the scene that breaks my heart. Ally and Normani are hugging Lauren so tightly while she is crying in their arms, Dinah has Camila inside her arms swaying her from left to right like a little baby as she cries loudly.

My brother is sitting on the chair in front of the room I am in with his daughter in his hands, he is looking right in front of him, his eyes never leaving the floor, the little one tries to keep the tears from falling by wiping them away but nothing seems to stop them. Mother is holding her heart tightly as she is talking to a nurse that doesn't seem to understand her.

You're so selfish, is a thought running through my head as I am standing in this hall that's suddenly empty. I look around for any sign of my family but there is none, I am alone and it hurts. A few minutes ago the thought of being free made me happy, I wanted this life to end and now? Now I want my arms around Lauren's body, my face pressed to her neck as I breathe in her scent. I want to see my mom happy, I want to see my niece growing up.

What are you even doing? Go back to the room and fix it. I say to myself as I start running towards the door I am in, it's so hard to remember where it is and it feels like I am losing this fight. Sing, it will help. I hear a thought in my mind and I open my mouth to sing in hope that it will help me find the way towards the room.

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

I don't know if I can cry in the state I am in, but I feel something warm touching my cheeks, I'm sorry, I'm sorry about your loss. I hear the echo in my head as I turn the corner and see Kylie telling this to my family.

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

No, no, no, no, I hear Lauren scream and I feel so much pain in my chest, this can't be happening please somebody tell me that this is not the end, I have so many things to tell her, I have so many things to do. I look around myself nervously, searching for the right room but I keep on missing it. I walk through the doors only to be faced with strangers that can't even see me.

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

As I step outside I listen carefully for the voices again, how can you say that? She was okay a few minutes ago. I hear Dinah yell. I am really sorry, she just didn't make it. Kylie tries to explain but nobody seems to listen. For a second I stop to think, if I was gone I wouldn't be able to stand here and watch them break, I would be gone, I would have faded away right? Look at your hand. What? Just do it. I look at my hand that's slowly losing it's colour. No, no, no please don't let me slip away now.