cancer girl. // finished

Entry 5

Today wasn't a good start to the 24th of October 2013.  I woke up with a pounding headache and my little brothers were making a lot of noise. Felt like a fucking riot in my house.  Excuse my language.  Well I decided to take a shower and wear 'colourful' clothing which was black skinny jeans and a blue Asking Alexandria band tee with matching blue converses. I mean at least it wasn't full black.

I trudged down the stairs and watched Tom and Jerry, well more like stared at the screen while my little brothers were being annoying. But you know, it didn't matter as much as it would to me on any other day because I was going out. Yeah I know right weird freak kid finally shows her ugly face to the world.  In case you're wondering, no my friends did not invite me to do whatever it is they do on half terms.  In fact I wasn't even going with my family.  I was going to the Gp today. Yep I know finally but tomorrow is my birthday and my parents are excited about it and I just want to know what these marks are. My parents didn't know I'm going though and I knew they wouldn't allow me to go without adult permission because who would let their child wonder along to a hospital? Anyways I was bringing my skateboard so they'd assume I'm going to the skate park.

Once my older brother left, I told my mother I was gonna skate around.  She smiled at me and told me to have fun.  Yeah she smiled. But only 'cause I was finally leaving this house for some 'fresh air.' She complains that I'm too anti social and worries about the fact I don't accept to invite my friends over but honestly even if they came, to my house,  I'd feel more left out than usual since they've been on all these adventures without me but I can't throw a tantrum about it since I don't wanna go with them anyway so it's cool.

I left my house and decided to do a few of my favourite skills on my board to the beat of OHIOISONFIRE by Of Mice And Men. I was skating on an abandoned street so decided to do an attempt of 360 hard flip. I almost done it but then fell and scraped my knee. Laughter exploded behind me and I looked back to see a couple of teenage boys laughing at my failure.  Failure. That's what I am. You may as well look it up in the dictionary and see a picture of me.  Little ugly me. I stood up and brushed my self off then limped the rest of the way to the Gp.

I sat in the waiting area, attracting weird looks from the other patients who were also waiting.  I guess they've never seen a girl with a skateboard and scraped knee. A little boy sat across me and kept making silly faces at me.  I smiled and made them back to him until his mother scolded him for making faces at random strangers and me for encouraging him. I sighed and dazed off until my name was called out. The doctor came and smiled warmly at me then we headed to her office.

'So what's wrong darling and where are your parents?' She asked nicely.  I told her my problems and the recent itching and random nosebleeds.  I showed her marks and asked her if I just had ringworm.

'Hmm, honey I'm not sure but lets check shall we.'

She took a blood test and went to study on what it could be.

'Darling, I'm sorry to say but you have cancer...' I zoned out for a minute but then focused in when she asked me something.

'Did you hear me dear? You have cancer.' I nodded and she went on about how I should go to the hospital daily with a trustworthy adult to get treatment and a regular check up.  To be honest I don't even care. I was kinda glad. Call me crazy if you want but I won't care. Because I have cancer so I'm going to die.

Well reader I guess one good thing does come out of this situation.  At least I don't have to commit suicide. Well I still could but I love this new adrenalin rush.  I wasn't paying attention so I don't know when I'll exactly be free. But I like the fact I could possibly die tomorrow. Hehehe well night night reader and sweet dreams. 

Love, Unknown