Cinderella's Tears

Cinderella's Tears ~ Chapter 20

I stumbled down the road. There was a terrible pounding in my head. Luckily, the sun wasn’t out. The wind started to pick up. My body felt hot yet cold from the wind. I forced my numb legs to move. Move for a slight second I closed my eyes. When I opened them again I found myself in town. My thoughts were foggy and unclear.

“Bloody hell. Was I sleepwalking?” I mumbled to myself. Even my speech was slurred.

My legs moved like they had a mind of their own, going where they know. My legs were so numb that I couldn’t even tell that I was walking.

After a few twists and turns, I stopped. My legs have taken me back home. As I started to walk up the steps, I realized something very important. I don’t live here anymore. Something else was off. I retraced my steps backwards. There was junkyard in front of the house. It was all the stuff in the attic including my belongings. How lucky. Without much thought, I took my chest from the trash.

Behind me, a few people gathered. Their whispering might have as well been shouting. I clenched my head. I felt weird: for a moment I can’t hear my own thoughts and now every sound hurts my ears.

“Isn’t that the murderess?”

“That monster!”

“Who was that guy again? Stefan?”

“What is she doing?”

“Ugghh, she smells so bad!

“SHHHH! She’ll hear us.”

I turned around, dramatically. My hair covered most of my face but I still could see them personally. I glared at them, murmuring death threats.

“First, go for the leader, then the loudest….”

They shrieked and ran away as graceful as a frog in heels.

I returned to my business and dragged the chest toward the field. AS usual the field was abandon but today it seemed to have a darker, lonelier feeling. Perhaps it was the clouds, I hope.

I took the chest handle and started to drag it to the other side of the field, not giving a single fuck. I had no idea where I was going. I just wanted to get way from here. Every few minutes I switched hands. I tried with both but that was awkward and hard.

The field was just a field of grass. Near the edges were a few stray trees, under one are the graves of the baby sparrows including the one that survived for a few days.  In the direction I was heading, was the beginning of a huge forest.

The sky started to rumble. Soon after, the sound of rain filled the silence. The handle became slippery and I slipped onto the hard ground. It hurt. It felt as if I fell for the first time. I gritted my teeth and stood up. I felt heavy. The sky grew darker and the rain came down harder.

I started to push the chest from behind. The ground became soft and slippery and soon I was on the grass one more, not remembering if I fell or not.

I stared at the sky. The rain seemed to pushing me down, I didn’t want to stand. Rain hit my face and blurred my vision. It got very bright and then it got dark just as fast.

My mother took my hand and I led me into the forest. Her head was turned away from me. I didn’t know what was going on because all I could do was stare at her bouncing curls. Her hand was cold against mine. My hands felt empty but she was holding it. She seemed to be getting farther away.

I was on the floor once more, drenched, in the same spot, never really moved. I force myself to stand and push once more. My hands grew very numb but I ignored it.

I entered the forest. It was different than before. It use to be bright and relaxing, but it seems that as I aged so did the forest. It was now overgrown and dark. Ivy and moss covered everything. Trees have fallen down with their roots torn from the ground.

The rain came down harder. It became hard to see. I fell once more but I was grateful for the rain. It cleared my mind. It was like it was washing my sins, my filth away and I was a brand new person. I don’t remember the last time I felt so clean.

My body was slow and hot as was my breath. The cold air swirled around me, piercing my skin like a knife. I lost control of what was going around me. I didn’t even know if it was day or night.

On many occasions, I found myself collapsing and wanting to lie there. To sleep for ever seemed like a dream that I can achieve, but there was something in the back if my mind telling to stand up and keep going. There was something left unfinished.

My legs gave up, I dove to the ground in a crash worse than the previous times. Why can’t I do this? Why now? Have I always been this week? My head felt like it was going to explode.

“AGHhhh,” I screamed silently. Pain struck my leg. My scar was turning purple and swelling. It has always looked bad but right now looking at it made me double over. My throat burned and I became even more noxious. I touched my forehead with my fingertips. I snapped my hand back at the abnormal temperature of my body. I was burning up.

Anger and frustration built up. Everything came back to me. All the bad things that happened: How I was treated, how Rachel abused me, how unfair this all was, how Zoey humiliated me, how Father ignored me and tried to make me disappear, how Dylan tried to limit me, how the maids looked down on me, how Lisa didn’t even try to stop it, how my mother left me, how Stefan took her away from me. I wanted attention. I want to be seen and known. All the frustration made my head on the edge of exploding.  I wanted to scream and yell but I couldn’t waste my energy. My eyes felt heavy and wet.

I was very frustrated. Not at Dylan nor Zoey or Lisa, not even Rachel or Fath-Henry or Stefan, but at myself, for allowing this to happen, for being weak and not going farther.

I’ve never felt like this. My eyes were wet and my vision got blurry. I squeezed my eyes shut. Hot tears ran down my face. It streamed down all the way down my face and dripped down to my neck. They wouldn’t stop. Everything seemed to disappear. I opened my mouth. It tasted like salty water. My body felt lighter. The weight on my back was lifted.

I touched my eyes. Was I crying? It’s been so long. The tears seem to take my burden with them. A voice in my head, similar to my mother told me something familiar:

“It’s okay to cry.”

I regret nothing.

I lifted myself and pushed on through the trees. The forest seemed to get thinner. I stumbled into a large clearing, surrounded by thick trees. The sky was dark with clouds overlapping, but overhead was a small hole in the clouds. Light broke free and poured out onto one spot. In the distance I saw a small brown square surrounded by light. It wasn’t far but my vision grew worse and I was seeing red dots. It was a cottage I believe. The clouds moved and the light disappeared.

It got nearer and bigger with every step I took. I could see a small opening and a warm light. I gave the chest a final push before I fell first to the ground. The ground came fast but the darkness came faster. I didn’t feel a thing.

So Close…